Not sure what to make of this

[verum71]

My recent posts have been mainly focused on my 15y/o daughter's decision to stay at my BPDx's house.  I came home from a trip and when I was scheduled to pick her up, she said she wanted to try and have a meeting - the 3 of us - myself, my daughter, and my daughter's therapist - before she comes back to my house. All of this is currently in the works and I should be hearing from her therapist in the next day or 2 to chat about what this meeting will be and what it might look like.   I have really been struggling with this (her decision to want to stay at her mom's) and have spend the last week or so second guessing myself as her Dad.  We have always been close, I've always been present and involved, and I feel like a huge part of her identity stems from the time we have spent together as she has grown up - our love of music, singing together, cooking, camping, fishing, getting outdoors - many other things.  I've had to work behind the scenes to try and co-parent with a borderline ex - things that my daughter has no idea about.  And now it's like the rug has been pulled out from under my feet, like I'm any other person out there on the street and not her Dad.  I have no idea what the issue is that is so "big" that she can't even come over here until it gets discussed. 
And now, my parents (her grandparents)  got a call from 15 y/o daughter  and she had asked if she could come over for dinner. On the one hand, I'm glad that she is willing to keep the door open for this (her maternal grandparents (BPDX's parents) have been out of the picture for years now - the kids don't even talk to them or see them).  But I can't help but feel like there is some sort of ulterior motive for this.  I spoke with my parents about this last night - they came over to my house for dinner.  My parents are fully aware of all of the struggles to co-parent with my BPDex and have really been my. rock over the last 13 years since I asked for a divorce.  They are now kind of stuck in this weird dynamic and are feeling like they have to take sides - uggh!  Any feedback on this would be greatly appreciated.  I have scheduled a time to get in and see a counselor for myself in the 2 weeks (soonest I could get in was the 18th)

[PlantFlowersNotWeeds]

I don't have a lot of time to respond, so I'll be brief.  From my own experience......

Please, encourage your parents to see your daughter as much as possible, they are the link between you both.   I was in a very similar situation, and it does hurt that your own child doesn't want to see you, but will see them.

Because she wants to see them means that the connection is there .....she can't see you right now, but she kinda does via your parents.

Suggest to your parents that they don't bring up you at all....at least for now. They need to be her safe space.  She doesn't need to feel manipulated or overwhelmed, she needs to feel safe, calm, supported,....

It's hard, I know, and it hurts deeply.