Another birthday hoover attempt

[Fortuna]

This is the the third birthday of NC. Last year she send a postcard with no name and used her few sentences to try to guilt trip me into contacting her. She did not see fit to use those few lines to apologize or acknowledge any wrong doing on her part. This year I got a thick birthday envelope. I have refused to look at it. (My husband is curious and is going to read it at some point. ) I've gotten 'the letter', which i'm assuming she will use to try to guilt trip me more with But FaMiLy!, and Im GetTinG OlD! and tHe GraNdKiDs! All the while deflecting blame or not understanding why I won't be near her. I'm wondering how successful I would be at the narc version of buzzword bingo if I read the letter.
I really, really, want to not care. I know there is nothing redeemable in the letter. I know she won't do therapy. I know she won't give an actual apology that isn't qualified to all heck. It's just one more overstep of my boundaries, one more invasion of that sanctuary that is my home. I'm just so done with it all. Why does she have to try this baloney on my birthday? (I know, I know, maximum sentiment time where I might overlook her issues) I've gotten to the point I don't care what it says, I still care that she pull these shenanigans though.

[moglow]

I suspect the little kid inside wants/needs acknowledgment from mom on our birthday, even when the realities don't meet those wants on any conceivable level. They've kind of placed themselves in a doomed if you do/doomed if you don't position, ya know? Any and every contact became so painful that we had to cease contact for our own sanity, yet if they don't even try it just adds insult to injury.

Another member posted today that their parents don't know who they are, claim they have changed and this isn't the person they knew. I've felt so much of the same, that mine had not one clue who I am, what I want or best practices on any level. She spewed her stuff over me for all my life and still assumed that's who I am and what I need, all evidence to the contrary. She thought a pretty "perfect daughter" birthday card made everything all better. The reality for me was the nastiness when I somehow didn't respond or show the over the top appreciation she felt was needed. Thank you was never enough. She wanted to be mother of the year, demanded that I disregard everything so she could BE that person in her mind.

For me the bad with her truly did far outweigh the good. Flashes of superficial caring did nothing to dispel the awful things she said and did all around those limited good times. Token cards on a birthday really mean nothing against the day to day ugliness. I suspect you feel much the same, and I'm sorry for that. Always remember: a hoover doesn't work if you don't plug it in.

Most of all ... HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU and eat more cake!