Still chooglin

[Gettintired76]

I just wanted to let everyone know I feel real progress may be starting now, keep me in your prayers and thoughts, and especially my kids.

[square]

You got it!

[Gettintired76]

The crap is hitting the fan big time...all I'm gonna say. I'll let everyone know what happens.

[square]

Hoping it yields something positive.

[Gettintired76]

Yes I can, I must, I can't let my children...MY CHILDREN...be a statistic, a "we should have done that" a tick in their book, I will...no WE will win this! Ya know? My dad used to tell me I could move mountains, it was just about how much you put into it. Well right now I feel like I'm lookin' at Everest, but she's movin an inch at a time.

[square]

I really admire your determination. Getting knocked down over and over is absolutely exhausting. But our kids are worth getting back up again.

[Gettintired76]

They are my babies Square, I can't give up on them, I love them way too much to do that to them. Yes, it does get tiring, and hopeless at times, but then I remember their sweet smiles, and goofiness, my heart starts aching and I just have to keep fighting....dammit...got myself crying again A GROWN MAN!! For Shame!

[losingmyself]

GT
NO SHAME!!  HEART!!!

[Gettintired76]

Thank ya losing, one thing I've always been accused of having to much of is heart. But I don't think you can ever have too much heart.

[Gettintired76]

Well I've had a major break in the case, and I should be moving into my Apartment in the next few days. So..things are looking up...for now.

[losingmyself]

congratulations!
And good luck!

[square]

Great news, may the streak continue!!

[Gettintired76]

Oh I believe it is.....

[Gettintired76]

Did you get the messages?

[square]

 

[Gettintired76]

*Thinking out loud* what do you do when you find out the system is more corrupt then you could ever imagine? That they will not only condone violence but help hide it, and pass the responsibility to someone else?

[hhaw]

You accept that truth, calm yourself through identified strategies (EMDR, breathing, tapping, etc) and do everything you can do to bring about the best possible outcome for you and your children.

Accepting frees you up to problem solve. 

Lack of acceptance leads to circular thinking, rumination and wishing/needing reality to be different than it is.

The system is corrupt.  Many court officers are incompetent, willfully ignorant, defensive and willing to do harm if you call them out, so you gather evidence, organize it and practice presenting that evidence with zero expectation, judgment and emotional charge.

You resist telling listeners what they MUST DO or FEEL.  You give the listener space to come to their own conclusions and feel anger toward your ex for themselves so they're moved to ACT on your behalf.

If you need to take classes, join groups or get help for a problem, to gain points and trust, you consider doing that, but you always remain neutral and avoid blaming and calling out court officers who can sink your boat.

Instead, you do your best to educate everyone in the room in a helpful manner while avoiding snark and defensiveness at all costs.  Pretending you're speaking to a small child might help keep your statements short and simple and calm.

Accepting your ex will keep your children might lead to more solutions and choices you couldn't see before.

[Gettintired76]

Thank you dear hhaw for that breath of reality, as it was much ned, albeit maybe not quite as wanted, but accepted as truth, and the best advice one could ever get. You are so right on every point you made. Again I thank you.

[escapingman]

I am with you Getintired, I am fighting the same losing battle. The system is corrupt and the judges and so called professionals are not educated. The more I try to fight the worse I feel. As hhaw says, the only way to win is to accept it and as soon as we can accept it fight in a different way.

Stay calm and stay strong. In the long run we will win as we are the good ones.

[escapingman]

Getintired, I want to add what I am doing. I have no idea how effective it will be or if it will work at all. But I am gently trying to push the involved person in the right direction, just pushing as close to the edge as possible by asking questions but not judging. It could put her in the right direction, or she could show the extent of how manipulated and therefor biased she is. I am doing this by emails as she has twisted discussions before making her own incorrect assumptions. But the key is to accept it's all corrupt and do this from a point of peace and calm.