Still chooglin

[Gettintired76]

Well somehow we are back to I'm guilty, the abuse was substantiated, amazing I can a abuse a child thats was 40 miles away at the time it was supposed to happen.

[hhaw]

That's impossible.

Proving it requires evidence and the ability to organize, fine and present that evidence calmly to a Judge when you finally get into a Courtroom, ime.

I had a terrible report from a court ordered therapist, but once we got in front of the Judge EVERYTHING changed and I wish I spent the time I worried on other things, bc worrying changed nothing.

Doing everything I could to prove my case was what mattered.  Learning how to speak without judgment or expectation.....giving ONLY the burger and not the bun or condiments (short concise answers only, then stop talking) THOSE things helped bring about the best possible outcome, ime.

Remaining calm on the outside, so I didn't present as unstable or part of the problem/vindictive/snarky/defensive, etc meant the HUGE apparent advantage the PDs had, by manipulating the court ordered therapist and ALL her reports, was cancelled out then exposed, bc the facts and evidence proved the corruption and lies were planned and performed in bad faith to punish me and harm my children......
It didn't matter what the court appointed T wrote or testified to, bc it all backfired badly on the PDs in Court, but only bc I proved my case and the PDs seem to be tone deaf and unable to sense when they've overplayed their hand, ime.

Our Judge was angry at the PDs for lying, cheating and stealing in her case.  She was angry her court appointed cherry picked therapist choice was sullied, discredited and proven to be incompetent, which rendered her useless for the Judge's purpose going forward.

If I stopped fighting where you are now I wouldn't have overcome what FELT like overwhelming odds against me, but turned out to be MORE proof against the PDs for lying and manipulating a court officer.

Your ability to pull receipts, records, witness lists and prove your case......that you couldn't have abused children bc you weren't IN the area at the time...,
Provide allies while disproving PD lies as you go IS THE GAME.

It doesn't matter what the reports and social worker says IF you can disprove the negatives.

Disproving PD lies is difficult, tedious, time consuming, but necessary to show your Judge the truth.

If you can't do that, your other option is to placate the PD ex and be involved as you can with your children who won't be young forever.  They're going to be teens with opinions and the ability to choose where they spend time.

Once they're grown, no one but your children will decide who they have relationships with.

How do you accept your reality, make peace, then do everything you can to support and earn your children's trust.....stay in their lives and help them, rather than put more pressure on them?

You find a way to be a safe person in their lives by never saying negative things about the PDs.  You model self care and healthy boundaries and coping strategies.  You do what you say and are gently sorry when things can't work out bc if the PDs.......be consistently stable and available, even if it's unfair and have to suck it up....find ways to sturdy up your children's self worth and belief in themselves as you can.

What you can't do.....
Put it down and let it go....accept what you can't change so your energy is available to DO good things instead of regret and rage against what you have zero control over.

Whatever happens will happen wether you're lashing your teeth tearing your hair out OR doing what you can to calm yourself, seek joy all around you and cultivate relationship as you can with the kiddos.

You have more choices than you think.

You can find ways to make peace with things you thought would destroy you and you do it for both yourself
and
Your
children.

You're a pretty bright guy.  Shifting focus and following a good enough plan is a choice.  I think you're capable of figuring out a good enough plan, GT.

[Gettintired76]

Im not allowed to plead my case...im serious, I AM NOT allowed to speak or present anything in court. The lawyers and judge speak amongst themselves.

[hhaw]

I've been through multiple multiple law suits and charges and hearings, GT.

My experience is they can't pick the courthouse doors, in either direction, for better or worse.

That means you have access to filing cases, same as the PD and State as far as I know.

Countersuits.

Your day in court has always been an eventuality FOR me, thank God.

I don't understand your cases or what lead up to them, which could lead to losing rights or ability to get in front of a Judge....I guess.

I've shared what I know.  An attorney can tell you what's happening, hopefully.  I'd be surprised if you can't get into a Courtroom, but your situation is different than mine.

[Gettintired76]

My attorney told me today a case he had once took a year to get a hearing

[hhaw]

Can't LOCK the Courthouse doors, not pick.

That aside, I'd be shocked if it didn't take at least a year to get a hearing. 

That's one of the ways they deter cases from going forward.  The wheels of "justice" move ever so slowly with most settling or ending in plea bargains, even when the DA knows they're dealing with innocent people.

You're in the system now.  It's not going to be easy or quick and you won't enjoy it.

Intestinal fortitude and evidence are required, GT.

If not those things, then acceptance and doing what you CAN do to stay in your children's lives, IME.

[Gettintired76]

Yes I agree completely hhaw, and at present I have immersed myself in my work and my studies.

[Gettintired76]

Good I have a hearing set for Friday

[Gettintired76]

Case dismissed charges dropped no contact lifted..I now have joint custody of the two she has my oldest daughter is still for now in State custody.

[Andeza]

That's really awesome news. I'm super happy for you!

[escapingman]

That is fantastic news, congratulations!

[xredshoesx]

best news i've heard all day. 

[Poison Ivy]

I agree with all the above. Hurray for you and your children!

[square]

best news i've heard all day.

+1000000

So are you actually GETTING joint custody? Because I recall you had it before but she still controlled everything - when, where, under what circumstances, and you were getting only a fraction of it.

[hhaw]

Yes....
as Square asks....
How will joint custody manifest, do' ya think?

[losingmyself]

Great news for you!!

[Gettintired76]

Square hhaw that simple fact right there is what concerns me, I can not agree to only joint with her it's impossible so i have filed for modification

[square]

Good job on that.

[hhaw]

GT:

Joint custody is NOTHING without an AGREEMENT spelling out the terms of that shared custody.

YOU have as much control over schools, doc appointment and proceedures and you can both block each other, which is super detrimental to the children, IME.

Since you're asking for things... what are you asking for?

On what basis did the court rule AND what did your attorney say about that?

I hope you asked for your attorney fees be paid by the PDs bc they created the false allegations and expanded the case with more lies and running around avoiding court and that makes zero sense to me the court just said you now share custody and did nothing else about it.

There should be an ORDER.... and AGREEMENT..... spelling out the days you get the kids, the times and place of drop offs, the details of decision making over healthcare and schools and something here is off, IME.

[Gettintired76]

BTW I was wrong....they gave me FULL custody, I just got the papers today, and I agree with you completely hhaw, but there has never been any "formality" in the that court in that county therein lies alot of the problem.