Incompetence - weaponized vs actual

[looloo]

Has she assigned financial POA to either of you?  If so, then you are stuck with solving this.

Is that true? I am my mom's POA (never exercised it, she just did it while getting affairs in order years ago), and I never signed anything or agreed to anything. I understood it to mean that I have the ability to make decisions on her hehalf, but if I were to be held legally responsible and accountable to do so, what is stopping toxic people from just signing over all their responsibilities to an unwilling and possibly even ignorant party? (The only reason I know I have POA is my mom told me, I wasn't formally notified in any way).

If you are the POA, then there should be notarized paperwork, signed by your mother, declaring that you're POA.  In many cases, you would need to show this in order to act as POA (banking, investments, pensions, maybe medical too).  I was advised, when needing to sign things in my capacity as POA, to do it this way: "Looloo, POA for Nmother".

And if I ever decide to relinquish my role as POA, then there'd need to be notarized paperwork on file for that too.

[square]

There is paperwork signed by my mother, but not signed by me.

If this paperwork transfers her responsibility from herself to me to manage her affairs, would I not be required to agree to that?

[wisingup]

Is that true? I am my mom's POA (never exercised it, she just did it while getting affairs in order years ago), and I never signed anything or agreed to anything. I understood it to mean that I have the ability to make decisions on her hehalf, but if I were to be held legally responsible and accountable to do so, what is stopping toxic people from just signing over all their responsibilities to an unwilling and possibly even ignorant party?

I had the same assumption.  I thought it gave me permission to act on her behalf, but not necessarily responsibility to do so.  I better find out.  If I am in anyway legally or financially liable for her f$*#-ups, I want out immediately.

[Leonor]

Hello all,

The PoA thing is messed up. It's like a "gift" that's easy to hand over to you but a pain if you want to return it to the store.

It can be done, though. You can write a letter of resignation and send it to your mom and your brother. I think it's a good idea to have it notarized and make it as official and legal as possible, so you can consult with a family lawyer in your area just to make sure all your bases are covered.

My ILs are total weaponized incompetents. They will even hire other incompetents or their own incompetent BPD daughter (who's a lawyer  ) and then let everything get impossible until their accounts are embargoed or their wills are mangled or their house is falling down, just waiting until dh loses it and fixes it for them.

The creepy thing is, they're not hysterical. They don't even pretend to be hysterical. They'll act a little "well what can ya do" or "they told us to do it this way" or "we'll just tighten our belts this winter" (they live in a place with 3000 hours of sun per year btw) or "if we say anything to your sister she'll get upset" ... Just lean and lean and lean until they get what they want, which is dh putting them in swing chairs and popping pacifiers in their mouths, 24 hours.

Stand your ground. A PoA is supposed to be a power of agreement, not a tool to manipulate others. If brother wants to help, awesome. Resign the PoA and if he wants to take it up, it's all his.

[Fiasco]

*not a lawyer*

There are two general kinds of POA, medical and durable (which includes financial). There are further two kind of each of those, immediate and springing. Springing does not take effect until the conditions in the POA have been met, usually along the lines one or two doctors certifying the person is not competent to make their own decisions.

IF the POA you're named in isn't activated you have zero rights and happily zero responsibilities. If the POA has been activated and you've been handling the person's finances then yes, you have a legal duty to act in the person's best interests.

You can refuse to be POA, and you can certainly relinquish it, you just can't leave the person in the lurch if you've been performing these legally required duties.

Again, not a lawyer. Ask one.

[lkdrymom]

There is paperwork signed by my mother, but not signed by me.

If this paperwork transfers her responsibility from herself to me to manage her affairs, would I not be required to agree to that?

You would think but I just pulled out the one I had on my father. I went with him to get it but it does not have my signature on it at all.  You'd think that would be required so the  person this is bestowed upon agrees to it.

[square]

So my modified understanding now is that the paper does not bestow responsibility on you. But once you have the paper and have begun acting as the responsible party, you are obligated to continue doing so or formally transfer the role to a responsible party.

So unless we agree by our actions, the paper doesn't obligate us to anything. I also assume you are not obligated to more than we take on, for example if we only help do their taxes, we aren't responsible for other things until and unless we take those on.

[wisingup]

Thank you square and fiasco - that makes sense to me.  I am perfectly comfortable doing the things I picked up a year ago - paying her rent & monthly bills, depositing checks & managing her checking account, communicating with her broker, and doing her taxes.  So I guess I'll just go on doing those.  I just really didn't want to go back to clean up an old mess after she couldn't even be bothered to let me know about it in time to meet the deadlines.  Nor did she ever express any interest in how much much time & effort it would require from me.  I'm going to need to set a clear new boundary that if she doesn't alert me to anything outside my standard tasks, then it's hers to deal with.  And even if she does alert me, I will pick and choose what I take on.