14 weeks now

[StartingHealing]

Hello all y'all.

Been 14 weeks now since I last had contact with the soon to be exwBPD. 

I'm writing this to help encourage those who are wondering about it. 

From my current vantage point, I can see how and why the relationship went the way it did.   I can honestly state that she played me from the get go.  From the first time that we talked on the phone she had already started the manipulation.  I won't go into the play by play here since there are some excellent videos on YouTube that explain it far better than I can. 

One quote from a video by Prof. Vanink ( I may have misspelled his name)  "Do not feel guilty that the relationship ended.  It was doomed to fail from the start."

Sounds harsh.  And in many ways it is.  However, for me, it forced me to look at the dynamic and look at what was going on with me at the time.

As far as my dissolution of marriage goes;  motion for alternative service has been filed.  Once the court signs off on that then it's a twenty day count down waiting for her to respond.  If she doesn't respond within those 20 days then a tele- conference is scheduled for the final hearing. 

It appears that it will be completed this year.   On one hand, it feels like that it's taking such a long time.  On the other hand it's moving really fast in compared to the 25 years I spent with exWBPD.

Wishing all of you all the best.

[PlantFlowersNotWeeds]

Congratulations - great job.   You should be proud of yourself. 

On Narcdaily/ youtube video - I heard this and it stuck with me

Every PD relationship has an expiration date.

I think this is true - even in the concept of those that stay married. The relationship at some point really changes - so one relationship ends and another type of relationship begins.

My ex is with his new supply - it is strange to me because I know that trap she is in, and has no idea.  I kinda feel like she deserves it....but no one deserves what happened to me.

[StartingHealing]

PlantFlowersNotWeeds,

I don't know what is happening with exwBPD.  Honestly.  Do. Not. Care. 

Yes, when thinking about some other poor sucker that she may or may not have her claws into, that does give me a twinge of empathy for the poor sucker.  However, I'm assuming that the poor sucker is an adult.  As such not my responsibility.

I keep finding small things that I look at now, and her projection is so very evident.  While at the time, I was totally blinded to it.

Most recently, found a screen shot of something that my daughter from a prior relationship wrote.  My daughter was in a not so good space at the time and what she wrote was a self motivation thing to not give up, to keep going. 

exwBPD had a reaction like my daughter was going to self delete.  Which now, I find is very, very odd.  Another example of her projection.  She was the one that was considering the self deletion. 

Seeing the delusion, seeing the absolute disconnect from reality, like DAMN, you know?

Damnedest thing, I'm paying to get her removed, and then I'll have to pay more, to get her name removed from the house / mortgage / Joint credit card.

I am looking at it as the final payment.  Enough of throwing good money after bad.   Looking back I totally see where she cost me time, money, assets.  All because she is mentally un-well.  She had a shopping addiction.  Went back through the amazon statements and in one year she spent enough that we could have gone to Australia (I'm in the USA) and had a month long vacation. 

Doing actions that prevented the very things she was bitching about not getting. 

To any body, the peace, the lack of drama, is soooo much worth it.  Get yourself free of the vampire(s) that is sucking your life out of you.

Peace