Physical sensations (first post)

[BittenFlea]

Hi, I'm new here, and I'm wondering if anyone else here has any experience with a specific symptom that's been holding me back for roughly 14 years now.

Now and then, usually if I'm around other people, I get the sensation of losing control of my bladder and/or bowels, but when I go to check, there's nothing there.
Nonetheless I still find myself "holding on" as if I'm trying to stop myself, even when I know there's nothing to hold back.
I also get this delusion that others are being influenced by something to say the kinds of things that will trigger this (very common slang usage of the words p*ss and s**t for example), or that they somehow know what I'm thinking, because when my intrusive thoughts happen and I get stuck in them, people around me seem unusually quiet and/or uncomfortable. I sometimes also get this very disturbing sense of unreality, of not knowing what's going on and feeling very scared and vulnerable about it.
It's like, I have this seemingly pretty fundamental doubt in my own perception of reality? And honestly, it's ruining my life and has been for a long time.

Has anyone had any luck with solving something like this?
Also, I'm currently in a relationship that has led me to realise my own toxic behaviours, (that was why I initially sought out my most recent course of therapy) but at the same time I can't help but get the impression I'm also being manipulated, having things turned on me, etc... I dunno. Help..?

Thanks

[benightedbug]

Hi Bittenflea I'm new here too, I get something similar, I get the bladder thing - holding on, not being able to shake bladder awareness (alongside other disturbing intrusive thoughts) and the "other people can read my thoughts" thing and the paranoia thing, not being able to tell if I'm being manipulated or not. I get unreality stuff now and then too, though it happens more when I'm alone. I think the bladder thing is an OCD-type thing? I'm not an expert in this stuff by any means, but it seems like "hyperawareness obsessions"/"somatic OCD". Though honestly it could just as easily be classed as a kind of "social anxiety". I think a lot of the times, the lines get kind of blurry.

To be honest, in situations like the one you described, I usually say to myself "fine, if I urinate in front of all of my friends/at the dentists office/at this funeral then so be it. I'll simply have to live with the consequences. I'm tired of thinking about this and would rather do something else". You can do something similar with paranoia. Also, if you have friends, then having them gently tease you about the possibility that you could publicly urinate might relieve some of the anxiety. As for getting a consistent sense of reality, I don't know what to do about that one yet. But at least on your bladder anxiety, you're not alone.

[notrightinthehead]

What you describe could be a dissociative state. It could be that anxiety overwhelms you or that the presence of other people triggers a trauma response and you dissociate to be able to endure the otherwise overwhelming feelings.

[Starboard Song]

I'm currently in a relationship that has led me to realise my own toxic behaviours, (that was why I initially sought out my most recent course of therapy) but at the same time I can't help but get the impression I'm also being manipulated, having things turned on me, etc... I dunno. Help..?

Welcome ot Out of the FOG!

We are very good, here, at helping people to navigate the interpersonal and healing challenges that arise from interactions with people that have personality disorders. Check out our Toolbox to learn more. The Top 100 Traits section can help you identify some common traits associated with personality disorders. Of course, all of us are imperfect, and many healthy people exhibit some of these traits some of the time.

If you determine that you may be in a relationship with someone with a PD, I hope we are able to help.