Would it be a good or bad idea to call them out on their nonsense and trash or

[RiverPurl]

will I continue to ignore and grey rock.

She's an estranged sibling.  She fell out with us one by one starting 9 and half years ago.  She started estranging us and then the abuse and harassment came.  Basically she wasn't happy with the estrangement she implemented and she wanted to continue to control us.  It's been years of abuse and harassment from her.

The police won't help til she is physically violent.  I got a similar vague reaction from solicitors/lawyers.   The only civil action open to me is an injunction and I don't have the fund ls for that and I think she is someone who would enjoy the challenge of dragging all of this in front of a judge.

It's been years of abuse from her. Just trying to hurt us and trying to get our attention.  Even after 6 years of noting seeing her, she's still in the same place as she was all them years ago.

I am just after coming across another writing piece from a username that is 100% her on an online form. Again she went into a rant about how bad we all are as a family but no where did she ever write about her abuse to her and her punishments and shaming us.  Also so much was twisted from her too.  She never wrote about her campaign of revenge and hate and abuse and there was so much from her.

She's writing these things to gain sympathy from her readers and then it triggers her for sending out more abuse and harassment which she fails to mention to her readers. If her readers were to know even half of what she did, they would be telling her a different thing. A lot of the replies are telling her to cut her family out and a lot on those lines but she has failed to mention that she is the only one still trying to keep up the contact through her abuse and harassment to us.

I'm actually in shock this morning because it continues from her. Even after all these years, she's still in the same place.

[guitarman]

I can relate to what you posted about.

I have an undiagnosed BPD/NPD sister. I have been no contact with her for three years.

I know if I get back in contact with her she wouldn't have changed. She can't change because she has no insight into her abusive behaviour. If she did she wouldn't have been abusive to all of our family in the first place.

I've learnt that we can't change anyone else's behaviour. We can only change and control our own.

I choose to remain calm no matter what happens. My sister tried to provoke me into anger but I didn't play her twisted mind games.

It sounds like your sister wants to be seen as the victim to her friends where in fact she is the abuser and the cause of all the trauma and upset in your family.

Keep calm. Stay strong. Stay safe. Keep posting.

[guitarman]

You may find the counsellor and author Kris Godinez of interest to you. She specialises in Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome and shows how targets of abuse can cope better.

Her YouTube channel is called "We Need To Talk with Kris Godinez".

[guitarman]

I don't think that anyone here can tell you what to do. However, in my experience with my uBPD/NPD sister she wouldn't respect my feelings and would continue to abuse me. She's been abusing all of our family for decades. She has alienated everyone.

Calling out her behaviour would only provoke her even more. She would turn everything around to become the victim. She could rage for hours trying to provoke me into anger.

Abusers are all about power and control.

We need to work on building our self esteem. That way we can stay calm and find ways to set firm boundaries and not feel guilty about it. We need to protect ourselves from any further abuse.

If our abusers realised what they were doing they wouldn't be doing it in the first place. They think that is OK to abuse people.

We need to calmly talk more about our feelings. We matter.

Observe, don't absorb. Don't feed the narcissistic supply. Stay calm.

Kris Godinez says that if this person were not a member of your family would you have anything to do with them? If the answer is "No" then act accordingly.

[NarcKiddo]

Clearly you must do what you need to do. I, personally, have never found calling out to be a viable strategy. At best it turns them into a martyr, at worst it backfires horribly at me.

[Jolie40]

telling them the truth does not work


in my case, I got called a liar & hung up on
then I sent an email but no response
I have no idea if they read my email OR deleted it w/o reading

my sibling only knows "her truth" and only "her truth"

[Kaz1956]

In my experience the only safe contact is no contact at all. This said after years of enduring propaganda campaigns, lies, recruiting others, shunning and shaming. As my therapist said "there is no level of contact with your (uNPD M or S) that is safe for you.
In a thread in this topic I've sought advice as I've recently been unable to avoid seeing uNPD sis at her daughters wedding after 10+ years NC.
There were months of anxiety beforehand and then I was ghosted at the wedding but caught her recruiting others, talking behind our backs and pointing us out throughout the evening. I'm still processing it even though I had all my family with me and had strong strategies in place or so I thought.
I've considered legal action also to counter her lies about me but think it's pointless. Careful NC is my best option and as little discussion about her with others as it's too triggering. Wishing you the best of luck