In the Dragon's Den

[InTheDragonsDen]

2 days plus of riding high and smooth sailing.............. waiting for the job................

Job = Immunity Idol, at least partially.

[InTheDragonsDen]

,

[InTheDragonsDen]

Everything for the narcissist is a transaction. They will give something but only if they get something in return.

Three weeks away from going to work.

Life is now back to how it was in the first 6 years. Doubt 99.99999% of the population would ever guess my wife has a PD.
Yup, there are still small "hints" but you would have to know what to look for and you would need weeks or months to see any pattern.

Considering others experiences and there are no children between us, no shared friends or family, I am to this day, extremely lucky compared to others who have lived and dealt with their PD partner both during and after living together.

[Poison Ivy]

It's good that you've been able to continue focusing on what you need to do to live on your own. Keep it up!

[InTheDragonsDen]

Have been treated like a prince the last couple days. We went to the city to go to the mall. She was snuggling and touching me softly as we walked. She was giddy. "Now we are going to have a happy life", in reference to me going back to work. The translation is "I will take all that money you earn, decide what to do with it, make sure you can't get the money back and punish you later. Wait you'll see".

Everything they do is a transaction, they give and expect a huge return for their breadcrumbs of attention.

She spotted a place to get some "attention" from a couple male store clerks as we were leaving the mall. She sent me ahead to the car. I exited the mall and circled back to watch the show. For 10 minutes she never saw me sitting 15 meters away from where she was "busy" with the sales clerks. She then walked back to the car while I sat and waited for her to call. She called and of course asked where I was, Told her I am sitting on the bench a few meters away from where she was "shopping". She wanted to know why I didn't come with her when she was finished "shopping".  Never replied to this question no matter how many times she asked. Just a grin and silence. Pretty much made her in a negative mode that did.

In the car she said "It wasn't my fault they gave me attention". I just laughed and laughed.

Not her fault males give her attention when she stares at them. Not her fault males give her attention as she shows interest in them. Just not her fault.

[square]

Do you have plans in place so she can't access your "exit money" when your work begins?

[InTheDragonsDen]

Yes, mine is mine and hers is hers.

[square]

I like how you did not comply. You sat on a bench nearby instead of sitting like a good boy in the car. You did not pretend you didn't see any of that ridiculous behavior. You laughed.

You're not under her control.

[InTheDragonsDen]

Thanks Square,

Basically I did what she would have done. Ignored the other partner and waited for them to walk to the car, wait until she called, then give her enough information so she knows how much I care about her. At the time I wasn't thinking about it this way. I just didn't care about her needs. There was zero emotion from me. Wasn't on a spy mission. Read what she really wanted, wasn't going to sit in the car waiting for 10 or more minutes and I returned to the mall, watched a bit and enjoyed not being alone and surrounded by people shopping in the mall.

Today she has to go to a sporting event, young adult males playing soccer 20-25 ish. Community event. I could go and watch the fun but my time is better spent doing what I want. She was relieved when I said I would stay home. That's all I need. Confirmation.

[InTheDragonsDen]

My dearest has been partying since 9:30 AM, close to 8 hours.
Went to see her and no surprise, out of all the people still drinking she looks the most drunk and always, she looks like a helpless drowned mouse. She is with relatives and friends of relatives. The helpless victim.......

THe day sitting at home alone has been reflective.

[InTheDragonsDen]

She is being kind and considerate, mostly, but at the same time making sure that she is always in control. She gets her way one way or another, sooner or later, in everything. If I have a moment of trying to go back to how things were the first 6 months, it doesn't last long. Example, she has some lovely clothes she wore at special occasions / candle light outings when we first met and she knows that I like, I have asked repeatedly for her to wear again, nope, she hasn't worn them in the last 5-6 years. She has photos of her in those evening dresses set around the house. She will bring up those special evenings from time to time about how lovely they were and how much she enjoyed them.

She tells me her plans for a get together, then every couple days changes them, changes them again, and again, and makes it seem like I should know about each change.

She goes out and tells me she will be right back, nope. She goes out and says she will be gone for a couple of hours, minutes later she is back in the driveway. Everything is a game. Everything is about control.

At times I think it is just better for me to move through my day without even talking to her or interacting with her. It appears to be the only way to avoid these small games she plays daily. Was close to suggesting that she should sleep in the spare room several times but of course, she doesn't want to sleep alone.

[bloomie]

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