Sharing some positivity and hope

[GentleSoul]

Hey all

Quick recap, I was married for 15 years to alcoholic man with high narcissistic traits (covert) who passed away nearly two years ago.

I wanted to stop by and share how things are now to offer hope.  My body and mind are fully recovered from the huge damage and stress from living in that situation.

My life and personality is completely different.  I am strong, light hearted, happy, content.  A twinkle in my eyes!  Assertive, have great natural boundaries (that no one trashes!).   Got my confidence and self esteem back.

My life is easy and flowing.   Everything straightforward.

The difference in my life is night and day.  I felt so trapped and shut down, depressed when with my uPD husband.   All joy sucked away.

I speak differently, move differently, dress differently.  My health has improved enormously now the stress gone.

I can speak my mind with people, be who I am, open and honest.

No need to Medium Chill, Grey Rock to protect myself.

I hope this post encourages other people.

All the best. xx

[square]

That's wonderful! 

The changes you describe are also coming through in your very writing.

I'm very happy for you.

[Sojourner17]

What you described sounds wonderful.  Im so glad that you have been able to find healing and move to a happier lighter you.

[blacksheep7]

Nice to hear from you GentleSoul,

Real nice to know that you are doing so well for yourself, leading a happy fulfilled life.

You are an inspiration indeed.

[SonofThunder]

Good to see you here GentleSoul! 

Thanks for dropping back in at the Out of the FOG camp for an update; a remarkably positive one at that!   As the others well noted, your post is inspirational and wonderful! 😃

SoT

[GentleSoul]

Thank you Square, Sojourner17, BlackSheep7 and SoT for your kind posts.

I do hope I have shared hope and inspiration that recovery from a marriage with a PD person is possible, and not only possible but that we can thrive. 

I encounter PD type people now and then in my daily life but my body lets me know immediately.   

I have healthy "normal" friends and am dating a healthy "normal" man.  All PD relatives are blocked and I am No Contact.

Best wishes. Xx

[Boat Babe]

Wonderful news Gentle Soul. I remember your first posts and am so happy for you.  I hope others can take heart from this as they emerge from abusive relationships.

[escapingman]

I can feel that my personality has changed (for the worse) being with uPDw. It's encouraging to know that if we can break free, we can recover and regain positivity and hope.

You are absolutely right here BW, bad behaviour is contagious and we get lots of fleas. I can't tell you how much better I feel being free of my PD wife for 8 months. When I react in certain ways, I can stop, then look at myself and say: This is not me, this is STBX. Don't do this again.

Gentle Soul, this is such a good update. I am so happy for you!

[GentleSoul]

Wonderful news Gentle Soul. I remember your first posts and am so happy for you.  I hope others can take heart from this as they emerge from abusive relationships.

Thank you, Boat Babe.  I was in utter despair.   I didn't understand what on earth was going on in my marriage.  As it was all so covert, it was hard to see a lot of the abuse.  Emotional abuse, as I now understand it.

My body and brain was absolutely overwhelmed and devastated by living in such stress. 

I am very thankful it has been able to fully heal, I know some people are not so lucky, they end up with huge physical problems because of all the stress and anxiety.  Being in "fight or flight" all the time.

[GentleSoul]

Gentle,

WOW, this is such a huge encouragement!!! I can feel that my personality has changed (for the worse) being with uPDw. It's encouraging to know that if we can break free, we can recover and regain positivity and hope.

If you don't mind my asking, what decade of life are you in? I don't want to ask exactly how old you are, but are you in your 40's, 50's, 60's, etc? Just curious how your stage compares to my own.

Best wishes on your future!

Thank you, user.  I am 59.  Sorry to hear about your personality changes too.  I think being with these type of people, it drains us away.

I had been a strong, assertive, very upbeat, fun filled person. 

I became very long winded when I spoke as I was always trying to over explain, to cover my back to avoid criticism.  Now I speak in "normal" short statements!  Just tell things as they are!   

Just being factual here and not boosting, I look far younger now.  My skin is glowing not ashen.   My body, everything about me looks and feels younger.  Now all the stress has gone.  I had all sorts of weird aches and pains too.  They are all gone.

My mind is clear too now.  My brain works faster.  I struggled to think straight. Now everything flows.   

I am so glad my post is encouraging to you.   I hope you find happiness, user.

It was a lot of hard work to recover but so very worth it. 

[GentleSoul]

I can feel that my personality has changed (for the worse) being with uPDw. It's encouraging to know that if we can break free, we can recover and regain positivity and hope.

You are absolutely right here BW, bad behaviour is contagious and we get lots of fleas. I can't tell you how much better I feel being free of my PD wife for 8 months. When I react in certain ways, I can stop, then look at myself and say: This is not me, this is STBX. Don't do this again.

Gentle Soul, this is such a good update. I am so happy for you!

Thank you Escaping Man.  Good to read your update too.  Great to hear you feel so much better being free of your PD wife.

I think we cannot really appreciate how bad it is, until we are free of it.  My own situation was far worse than I could see at the time. 

I relate to what you say about reacting in a certain way and then realising you no longer had to be that way.  It took me a while to unlearn a lot.  I had lived in Medium Chill to protect myself for a very long time.  It had become second nature. 

Also anticipating abuse all the time, then suddenly it wasn't there.  Quite a shock and took a while to get used to.

[losingmyself]

Gentlesoul, it is so great to hear from you and see how well you're doing!
You are truly deserving of the life you've been given now. I am happy to hear of your whole healing and I hope to be where you are one day.
LM.

[GentleSoul]

Gentlesoul, it is so great to hear from you and see how well you're doing!
You are truly deserving of the life you've been given now. I am happy to hear of your whole healing and I hope to be where you are one day.
LM.

Thank you for your kindness, Losing Myself.   I hope you will be free and well too. 

[GentleSoul]

Thank you for sharing your age and your new-found youth! How exciting.

Such an encouraging thread!

You are welcome.  I am so pleased it has been encouraging.  I know when I was in the depths of despair and feeling stuck and without hope, threads like this really helped me.

user, I saw you mention Dr Les Carter in another thread.  What a lovely man he is.  So calm and quietly spoken sharing his knowledge.  With Gus too, of course.  There are so many helpful people out there for us now.  We can heal. 

[Phoenix18]

Wow, this is amazing. It's so good to hear there is hope!!! Thank you for sharing it 

[WalkingMind]

Wow, so inspiring. Thank you for sharing. Tears flowing reading about your transformation.

[Dragonfly]

 This IS really encouraging. Thank you for sharing with us

[StartingHealing]

How uplifting!  Thank you for sharing.