NPD Family Dysfunction & Sin

[TheStruggleIsReal]

I'm a practicing Christian & have grown up in a family of ministers on my paternal side. However, in working through my story, I've discovered that NPD, BPD, & depression run rampant in that side of the family. Along with that, I've realized that many of those same family members have hidden sin in their lives. Things like pornography, gluttony, controlling behavior, manipulation, emotional abuse, impure & unhealthy marriages, unhealthy family relationships, unrighteous anger, gossiping, etc.

The most difficult aspect of this for me is that in going NC, I'm viewed now as the Prodigal Son - the sinful one who won't forgive his family & is not speaking to them. As my uNPD mom put it recently, she hopes the health problems of a family member will "tug at my heart".

I'm certainly not perfect by any means. However, none of my family seems to recognize the sins listed above that have impacted our family for generations. None are pursing personal or spiritual growth, even though they all attend church regularly. It's seemingly all about appearances. I don't want to be a part of that. I always want to pursue Truth, righteousness, unconditional love, & authenticity - values that ironically were rarely present in my FOO.

I truly believe I have forgiven my FOO for the pain they have caused, and I am not angry. Yet, I can't get over their inability to see the sin present in their lives. It feels like I'm the only one in my FOO truly examining his own life & our family sin & dysfunction. As my therapist said recently, I am the one breaking the generational patterns of dysfunction & sin. It will be a hard lonely road at times, but I am charting a new, healthier family for my DW, son, and the generations after me.

[SonofThunder]

Congrats on taking the road less traveled!

Imo, religion can be such a fantastic facade to shield sin and Jesus exposed the truth of that so well during his Earthly ministry.  I will continue to let Jesus be the one to expose others, while I protect myself from these fakers and focus on my self improvement.

I desire to model Jesus' examples and teaching on how to love others as well as protect myself at the same time.  He's the master at this and a perfect example to follow. 

SoT

[NotCryingGlitter]

You should be proud of yourself for breaking the pattern. I've recently, more than ever, thought about the amazing Christian lives led by some passed-on family members, and when I talk to people about the life I want to live, THEY are the example I use. I want to pattern after them, not the hypocritical members that are full of judgment and spiritual abuse, etc.

My post in another thread...

I think that narcissists find it easy to hide behind religion, because people are so easily fooled by their public reflection.

For me, those family members do have actual belief/faith and involvement in the church, but hypocrisy leads their lives, a hypocrisy they refuse to believe or admit. It's the "behind closed doors" version of themselves that the public doesn't see.

[1footouttadefog]

The Bible says the sheep know the Master's voice and enter the sheep fold. 

They see you as prodigal because they are the master of their sheep fold, and you are not following them. 

Remember you know your Master's voice. And will follow where He goes. 

 

[Mary]

I desire to model Jesus' examples and teaching on how to love others as well as protect myself at the same time.  He's the master at this and a perfect example to follow. 
SoT

It's deep. He loved. He sacrificed. He stood up to hypocrisy and called it like it was. Oh, to be like Him!