Ex new wife having a bub and my child feels abandoned

[Ohholynight]

Hiya,
I am posting to see if any one has any advice for me. My child's father has a new wife and she is pregnant. My child is worried about her father abandoning her. I know that this could be normal worries about having a new Bub come along, but I think she is probably right and he will abandon her Maybe not physically but emotionally

[SonofThunder]

Hello Ohholynight,

I want to jump in and give you a warm welcome to Out of the FOG!  This is large group of very kind, and highly knowledgeable people from all over the globe.  I don't have any experience with your concern, but Im certain someone will pass by who has undergone a similar life adventure with a worried young child.  You are not alone.

See you around the forum boards,

SoT

[bloomie]

Hi there. Adding another warm welcome to you. Glad you reached out for support.

Thinking this through I am wondering how you validate and support your child as they go through any difficult transition? What have you found works for your child? What are some ways you can support, reassure, and build coping and resilience as this new sibling arrives and the dynamics in your child's father's home shift?

I imagine you have a whole toolbox of ways you engage already that would bring comfort and support. As your child's parent you are uniquely equipped to walk alongside and to also build other trustworthy adult relationships into your child's life for them to find support within.

I want to link you to our book resources for children: https://outofthefog.website/books-helping-children-cope

I have no idea the age of your child (and I am not asking you to reveal that), but there are several helpful books that could give you specific advice.

This is a link to an article that may have some suggestions that can apply to your side of the equation: https://raisingchildren.net.au/grown-ups/family-diversity/blended-families-stepfamilies/new-baby-in-blended-family

The hardest part has to be the lack of control over how this is handled on your ex's side of things. I am thankful your child has a parent who is paying attention and engaged as you are. My hope for you all is that your love and support will help your child receive this new sibling with joy and that these two sibs will get off to a great start together.

[Ohholynight]

Thank you so very much for your replies to me. I will look at the resources you linked for sure.

My child is 13, nearly 14 and she thinks her daddy doesn't love her any more. So it's real hard to reassure her that he does when he doesn't show it in his actions. She has grown up alot in the last couple years and I guess is seeing that if she isn't a perfect little daddys girl then she is going to feel coldness from him.

My folks and family are very supportive of me and her both and I do know how to support her myself but it's just hard to say to her no she won't get abandoned when deep down I know he is already pulling away from her

[bloomie]

Ohholynight - it has to be really painful to see your sweet girl having to even wonder about her father's love and devotion to her. I am so thankful to hear you have in person support with family along with the love and loyalty you are showing your daughter.

You are very wise to not say anything to her that you can't count on. That's being a trustworthy presence in her life and more valuable than you could ever imagine.

I am wondering if there is a therapist or school counselor your daughter would be willing to talk with that creates a place she is safe to say whatever she may need to without risk of hurting anyone else?