Covert Narcissist and dreams

[InTheDragonsDen]

Her normal dreams are either dealing with scary monsters or me ignoring her in favor of other women who are present in the dream. She even had one where I was in a hotel room and she was sure there was another woman present but she couldn't find anyone in the room except for me.

My wife had a totally new dream last night. We were somewhere in public and I "ordered" her to massage my feet and cut my nails like a "high person over her" which really upset her in the dream.

After she told me her dream I asked her how she felt inside about this, she said "I want to beat you. Not wait to be alone with you I beat you right there in front of everyone". Then she "playfully" bit my leg.

Her number one anger relief is biting.

[square]

Interesting how the dreams reveal the psyche.

Aside from the monsters thing, they all seem to be focused on a fear of being less than (in a zero sum game).

In a zero sum game, there is no equality or cooperation. There is a winner and a loser, and if you're not the winner, you've lost.

Punishment is the way for the loser to change places and become the winner.

The monster thing, my H as a young adult almost exclusively dreamed of being chased by something bad until his subconscious was finally assured that he had moved out of his childhood home, and that he had a man's body that could fight back.

[InTheDragonsDen]

Hi Square,

Yes the focus for her is winning and me losing. There is no equal.

She has to be higher and me lower. Very big in her remarks lately

[11JB68]

Similarly my updh has occasionally had dreams that I was cheating on him.  He'd wake up angry at me and in a bad mood

[InTheDragonsDen]

Hi 11, yup mine would wake me up in the middle of the night by hitting, pinching or biting me because she had a dream where I was cheating on her but usually it was in the morning when she released her feelings and dreams to me.

[InTheDragonsDen]

Wish I would have been more observant of the details such as when and if she was out and about more when the cheating dreams occured

[InTheDragonsDen]

There are times I wonder if her dreams are true or just her thoughts? I think at times both.
I believe it is a way to punish / control.

She said she had a dream last night where she couldn't reach me on FB or by phone and she was angry BUT when she said it was completely void of emotion. Before her change 6 months ago any dream she didn't like that she shared with me there was anger and she would hurt me by pinching, biting, etc. Now nothing.
She added that at her mothers house there was a large party. I connect the dots that she is angry I cut her off but not angry I am gone. Play time would be over.

[InTheDragonsDen]

She said she had a dream last night. Described it without emotions. Said I left and she couldn't reach me by phone and I deleted my facebook and added in there was a large party at her mother's village. Sounds like she is worried I will leave during a party. She never connected the two sentences together.

Those that can only control, can not love / bond to another. Love /bonding means trusting the other person.

Lack of trust in a partner leads to slight paranoia. Imagine yourself in a relationship with a person you can not trust. Your mind starts racing imagining what is going on.

Add in the NPD is not capable of being self reflective and lacking empathy. Every "wound" they feel from their partner is unjustified and so their partner must be punished.

Every npd relationship is at least a threesome, either sexual or emotional attachments to others to prevent bonding to their partners. They take away from their partner and give to others.

Really felt like I wanted to sit down and talk with her but have tried before and her walls go up quickly, followed by anger and rage.

[Poison Ivy]

I think it's irrelevant whether the things your wife tells you are dreams or thoughts. That she's expressing these things at all is harmful and hurtful to you.

[InTheDragonsDen]

Hi Poison Ivy,

Yes control and punish but I do think it is also important to understand the why in all our daily interactions.

[LikeTheSea]

My late ex-h would tell me similar things about me in his dreams as others describe.  In hindsight, I believe he was lying.  He was deliberately trying to scare and control me.   He succeeded in numbing my emotions.

I urge anyone with a partner who tells them these things to leave.  You can't change them.  The abuse will slowly escalate.

[InTheDragonsDen]

Hi Like the Sea, agree you can not change them and staying in the relationship is time wasted.

Hope you are in a good place 

[InTheDragonsDen]

She dreamed last night I was giving money to her friends. These friends are women and single.
She doesn't trust her female "friends" at all.
These friends are only friends when she needs them.
If she doesn't "need" them, she never contacts them.