2 weeks out

[SeaBreeze]

Two weeks since I left stbx-uNPDh. A lot has happened. A few updates:

1. Only 3 days after I arrived, one of my adult kids had an emergency situation. I was in a position to help, and thankfully my adult kid is okay. This required speaking to stbx by phone a few times regarding certain details, but... I kept the situation with our kid separate from the situation with our marriage, and did NOT get hoovered back in!

2. I found a place to live! At the top of my price range, but still within range, and nice for the price in this area. I am going to have to furnish it from scratch, but priced some items today and was actually finding myself getting excited for the first time since leaving.

3. I am negotiating a way to keep my remote job. If it doesn't work out, I have some leads but think I will also take a month off. But, if I can keep working my current job, it would certainly be nice to keep that guaranteed income. It at least provided the paystubs I needed to get approved for the new house.

4. Transferred my prescriptions to a different pharmacy chain. Almost had a heart attack when I saw the out of pocket costs. Then they ran it by insurance, and the cost is now LOWER than my previous pharmacy. Score!

5. Yesterday, I told stbx I'm not coming back. I did agree we don't have to file for divorce yet, but firmly repeated a few times that I'm staying here and not moving back in with him. He expressed  sadness and says he was hoping we work things out. I privately felt some guilt after ending the call, but again, I did not get hoovered back in! (I do realize agreeing to wait on divorce may not sound firm, but telling him I'm not coming back was a very big step for me.)

I'm feeling less anxious each day, less scared, less sick to my stomach, with each step forward. The emergency with my adult kid shifted my focus and has been its own anxiety-ridden situation, but I have still met some important goals in 2 weeks. Very different from where I was mentally and emotionally that first day driving away on few hours sleep and trying not to U-turn and go back. Still nervous about all these changes, but also starting to feel truly excited!

[Poison Ivy]

You are very brave! Thanks for the update.

[notrightinthehead]

Wow! That's a lot of achievements in a very short time! Seems like you get things done quickly and well, once you put your mind to it. Bravo! Keep the momentum up. And whenever you feel lonely or tempted to go back, come here and talk about it. Do you have real life support? A friend who reminds you of the reasons you left?

[InTheDragonsDen]

Amazing Seabreeze, thank you for sharing! Smooth sailing!!!!

[SonofThunder]

+1 to all the comments thus far!   Time itself will do wonderful things Seabreeze;  Don't forget to just...breatheeeee. ☺️ No need at all to declare anything at this time, but just breathe and continually regroup as you are so wonderfully doing. 

I walked out less than a year ago, but I remember the first two months very well.  I had been like a mountainous rock-face towering high along the cliffs of my own small lake in which my immediate family and friends now live along the shoreline.  My leaving was the tall rock cliff, calving into the lake, and the huge tsunami that immediately formed, went out quickly in every direction, violently crashing through the first floor of all the peaceful homes on that shore. I told them all that time would eventually calm the lake's waters and return their homes to a place of remodeled peacefulness.  It was an accurate analogy, as time has done its marvelous thing that only it can do. 

At first, I just had to breathe. I was not the tsumani; I was the rock. The rock itself didn't crash through their homes. I didn't cause my rock cliff to calve, but like you, I had to depart.  Where my huge rock calved from, is now a very different looking cliff face and will never be the same, but thats just fine.  The beautiful lake now has a peaceful, solid rock island outcropping away from the cliff, and all the wonderful people who live along the shore, now paddle their canoes out to my island and see the lake from my new vantage point.  We all just breathe and take in the scenery.

There will be time for the legal parts to start, and time will tell you when to begin.  Fantastic job so far and I'm proud of you my Out of the FOG comrade.  Enjoy the new view and breathe. 

SoT

[losingmyself]

Congratulations Seabreeze! You are an inspiration!
I look forward to your updates, good or bad. We are all rooting for you!

[square]

Fantastic update!!

[SeaBreeze]

Thank you, everyone. I may have spoke too soon on not being hoovered. Dealing with a strong wave of Guilt and Obligation today. But I've been working through it while I went out and paid the various utility deposits this morning and had breakfast with DS20.

Do you have real life support? A friend who reminds you of the reasons you left?

Yes, I have some close friend and family members in-the-know (and are not flying monkeys) who've been very supportive. And my adult kids have been coming over to the temporary rental every night to eat and watch movies with me. Some alone time has also been necessary as I process things and find myself again. But thankfully there are loved ones here who take the edge off those more emotional moments.

So rough day emotionally, but productive day logistically.