New to Out of the FOG

[GettingThere]

Trigger Warning: NPD family, physical & psychological abuse, COVID-19, medical neglect, near death experiences, physical disability, suicide attempts, houselessness

Hi everyone In January of 2016, a therapist diagnosed me with CPTSD due to child abuse and I joined our sister forum Out of the Storm. Despite only posting about 30 times, the OOTS community was an invaluable blessing and source of healing in my life.

All these years later, after much more family abuse throughout my adult life that ultimately resulted in unemployment, housing instability, medical neglect, and physical disability, I am finally ready to admit that I was raised in a narcissistic family system. Early this year, I was lucky enough to meet a social worker who finally gave me accurate language to describe my experience. I will never understand why in almost 3 decades of interactions with countless social services and mental health professionals, it took so long for anyone to teach me the right word to describe my family. But I feel so blessed to finally have it.

The language I've learned has given me power to communicate my lived experience with countless other people in ways I was never able to before. And they finally understand me. Most importantly, accepting that multiple members of my family have NPD has helped me not return to a family system where I have always been the only person interested in stopping the violence. It has given me the freedom to let go and fight for what is best for me.

Like countless other survivors, COVID-19 exacerbated my preexisting domestic violence situation to the point where my life was in jeopardy multiple times. Verbal abuse, physical assault, gaslighting, medical neglect during medical emergencies, and houselessness made 2022 the hardest year of my entire life. I honestly have no idea how I survived. I had already survived a very difficult and isolating life up until 2022 and never expected that it would be possible to survive multiple untreated injuries and infections as well as multiple suicide attempts that all took place over the course of a single year.

But I'm still here. I'm permanently disabled and now have a body, brain, and life that are unrecognizable to me. But I'm still alive. For the last month, I have been housed in a safe, clean, well ventilated apartment. For the last month, I have not been hit, pushed, threatened, yelled at, or sworn at. For the last month, I have been regularly meeting on a discord server with kind, supportive, non-judgemental queer and trans people who I share similar interests with. For the first time in over 5 years, I feel human.

The first time I escaped my family over 10 years ago, I thought the violent part of my life had ended and that my new, safe life had begun. As a teen, I had no idea the violence would keep reoccurring as long as I let it. There was a two and a half year period in my 20s where I went no contact with almost everyone in my family and those were the happiest years of my life. I want that happiness again. But this time, I know I can't go back to them. I wouldn't survive it. And I don't want to waste the time I have left on this earth fighting to convince the people around me that I deserve to be treated with inherent human dignity.

I want to spend the time I have left loving, supporting, and fighting for the people I care about and the things I believe in. And being loved, supported, and fought for by the people I choose to have in my life.

When I joined Out of the Storm in 2016, I chose the forum signature: "You're worth fighting for." Whoever is reading this, I want you to remember that you are worth fighting for too. You are valuable, and beautiful, and worthy of love, and safety, and care just because you're alive. You don't have to do or be anything particular to deserve a life you love. You deserve that simply because you're alive. And never let anyone convince you otherwise.

I am so happy to be joining this community and am looking forward to sharing, validating, and healing together.

We're all worth fighting for.

[SonofThunder]

Hello Getting There,

A very warm welcome to Out of the FOG!  This place is filled with kind people from all over the world, so glad to now have you walking the same trails alongside us.  I am so very sorry to read of your abuse experiences and disabilities, but joyed to read of your incredible bravery and strength as you continue to press onward through incredible odds, freeing yourself and finding your voice to proclaim the truth of your experiences. You are a genuine warrior!  I also want to interject that you have a professional writing style, and look forward to reading and interacting with you on a variety of subjects around the forum.

We always leave at least one chair open around the campfire discussions at the forum boards.  Make yourself at home, kick off your hiking boots and rest your feet around the friendly fires of topical conversation.  See you around the boards! 

A tip of my hat to your perseverance,

SoT

[GettingThere]

Thank you for the warm welcome SonofThunder. Happy to be here 

Hope to see you around the campfire,
GettingThere

[bloomie]

GettingThere - adding another warm welcome to you. Thank you for trusting us with a snapshot of your journey so far. I am so thankful to read you are safe and growing stronger as you gather a support system of others who do understand and care around you.

I have found engaging in this community to be of great help. Unlike anything else in my life. I trust you will find that to be true as well. I am looking forward to seeing you on the boards and to supporting you.

[GettingThere]

Thank you so much Bloomie! I really appreciate your kindness and reassurance. I got an email yesterday from my abusers trying to suck me back in because an abusive family is currently dying, but I am not going to fall for it! I read through the What NOT to do this morning, and that’s helped me A LOT today! Last night, with the help of two hotlines for violence against women, I deleted the email and blocked everyone I could to stay safe. Feeling freer every day, and very happy to be here 

[Srcyu]

Well hello GettingThere!
That was quite an intro. I'm circling the campfire with interest .......

We used to have a member here, who tragically is sadly missed. She shone like a beacon. You remind me of her.

I sometimes visit OOTS as a guest. I like the Healing Cabin that they do.
I think we are extremely lucky to have you here and I would like to add another Welcome.


milly

[GettingThere]

Thanks so much Milly and user. You are both so kind and I feel so lucky to have found this space. I originally joined OOTS in 2016, and I don't know about the healing cabin. Would you mind explaining it to me?

Thank you!
GettingThere