Once you figured out your partner had a PD, how much time passed before you left

[InTheDragonsDen]

Once you figured out your partner had a PD, how much time passed before you left?

How long where you together?

What was the main reason why you left the relationship / marriage?

[escapingman]

Once you figured out your partner had a PD, how much time passed before you left?
First time I heavily suspected I decided to turn the blind eye, which was probably about 10 years before I left. When I really understood it still took me 5 years to get out. But I knew something was off for probably 15 years.
How long where you together?
Almost 20 years.
What was the main reason why you left the relationship / marriage?
The parental alienation, I had her sorted, I could handle her and stay MC and GR but not when she used one of the children to carry on the abuse.

[PlantFlowersNotWeeds]

Once you figured out your partner had a PD, how much time passed before you left?
I knew something was "off" with my ex; I attributed to his PTSD/depression.  It took me about 5 years to slowly understand that this wasn't it and that he probably was a narcissist.  By the time it clicked with me, I was Out of the FOG fast.

How long where you together?
20 years

What was the main reason why you left the relationship / marriage?
Two main reasons that helped me to end the marriage - first, my dearest friend, and much younger friend, was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer (made me realize how precious life is).  Next, I'm fairly certain he stole money from our elderly neighbor.  These 2 events made it so I couldn't even look at him

[Poison Ivy]

1. I didn't leave; I did initiate the divorce. I hope that there isn't an assumption that everyone on here who has ended a relationship has done so because they diagnosed their partner as having a personality disorder.
2. We were married for 31 years.
3. My husband gradually withdrew, emotionally, physically, and financially, from me and our children. I might have been able to deal with being ghosted for the rest of my life, but I became very concerned about the possibility that I would be on the hook for my husband's and his father's financial misdeeds. My husband and his father were very secretive, and it's hard to know how to protect oneself when other people lie or engage in coverups.

[escapingman]

I hope that there isn't an assumption that everyone on here who has ended a relationship has done so because they diagnosed their partner as having a personality disorder.

I didn't leave because I diagnosed STBX with a PD, in fact I am still not sure what she has got, it could be severe fleas. Anyway, the reason I ended the marriage was for my own survival, it got to a point where it would have ended badly.

[sarandro]

I figured him out over 5 years ago, accidentally, by coming here to find out about my NM.
My eyes were opened and I tried to leave, but was drawn back with his Fake Futures

We've been together nearly 30 years (see my other posts)

The main reason, or at least the final straw was a month ago, when I got a letter telling me I probably have cancer.
He made it all about him ~ Oh, cancer, I can't beat that ~ Nobody's asked me how I feel about you dying.

No way am I prepared to spend another day in his presence, so I used all the courage this place has given me and told him to go. He has found somewhere to live and will be leaving this weekend.

[xredshoesx]

i didn't know he may have a PD until after we broke up but i did look up some books on codependency.  i didn't make that connection until i almost made the same mistake in a different relationship with a friend who had some serious addiction issues a year later......

we were together off/on from jan 2002 to july 2007.   

my ex and i had a significant age difference.  during the course of our relationship i grew up and he didn't.  he wanted a mommy with benefits.....

with all the DV, the DUIs, the fact that he wasn't there for me period when my grandmother died in 2006, i finally packed his shit up bc he complained how i reheated spaghetti and i was FED the EF UP. he tried hoovering for about 4 months but it didn't work.   i did take a break for almost 2 years from any kind of dating and just worked on me and my issues with my childhood (which were legion by that point after years of living in denial about the abuse i endured as a child)

on a side note, every time my DH compliments my spaghetti it's like a personal victory.

[square]

I figured him out over 5 years ago, accidentally, by coming here to find out about my NM.
My eyes were opened and I tried to leave, but was drawn back with his Fake Futures

We've been together nearly 30 years (see my other posts)

The main reason, or at least the final straw was a month ago, when I got a letter telling me I probably have cancer.
He made it all about him ~ Oh, cancer, I can't beat that ~ Nobody's asked me how I feel about you dying.

No way am I prepared to spend another day in his presence, so I used all the courage this place has given me and told him to go. He has found somewhere to live and will be leaving this weekend.

Let us know how we can support you through this time.

[escapingman]

I figured him out over 5 years ago, accidentally, by coming here to find out about my NM.
My eyes were opened and I tried to leave, but was drawn back with his Fake Futures

We've been together nearly 30 years (see my other posts)

The main reason, or at least the final straw was a month ago, when I got a letter telling me I probably have cancer.
He made it all about him ~ Oh, cancer, I can't beat that ~ Nobody's asked me how I feel about you dying.

No way am I prepared to spend another day in his presence, so I used all the courage this place has given me and told him to go. He has found somewhere to live and will be leaving this weekend.

I am so sorry to read this, how are you doing? I hope the cancer if it is is not too bad, as square said how can we support you?

My uNPDstbxw could not handle when I got injured, and instead of supporting me in my recovery she made fun of me. I was already on my way out by this time but that made it crystal clear I could not stay with her anymore.

[sarandro]

I don't want to hijack this thread, but thank you everyone for your kindness.

I will be posting as soon as my STBXNDNH has gone!!

[SonofThunder]

Dragon,

A: 7 years

B: 30 years

C: Full discard reached (IDD), indifference reached (trauma bonds broken), PD traits permeated every aspect of the relationship (discard tension at all times and anywhere), goals of my exit plan reached. 

SoT

[StartingHealing]

Once you figured out your partner had a PD, how much time passed before you left?

She was escorted off the property in some shiny bracelets compliments of the local police dept about 9 months ago.  Counting back from that day, probably about 1 year for the idea of PD to stick.  Honestly, it was probably a good 10 years that I "knew" that something was bad wrong there.  But marriage googles, and a overblown emphasis on being a man of my word.

How long where you together?

To damn long honestly.  25 years

What was the main reason why you left the relationship / marriage?

She had gone off the rails.  the idealization to discard cycle had gotten to it was as short as 15 minutes at times, always looking for some sort of drama to reinforce the victim status.  Just. not. good. period. 

[Kat54]

Once you figured out your partner had a PD, how much time passed before you left? About 5-7 years. I remember how unhappy I felt. Our son was graduating HS and he wanted to join the military. His father thought he had to be crazy because he would get killed and why would he fore go college for that? He directed me to find a therapist to "talk him out of doing this military thing"  so in finding a therapist I thought it would do him good to speak to someone about his massive anxiety.
My son Did not need a therapist to talk him out of joining the armed forces.

How long were you together?
Started dating from a blind date set up by friends about 1983-84. Together about 10 years dating plus 23 years married. Long time. Divorced 3 years. Things with us are better. He's coming for Easter to my house for the first time.

What was the main reason why you left the relationship / marriage?
Controlling, verbally abusive

[haribo_milchbaren]

Once you figured out your partner had a PD, how much time passed before you left?

I only realized after I left, and it took me a couple weeks I suppose. Apparently two friends with PD parents knew basically since I met my STBX that he likely has a PD, and they did gently try to talk to me about him, but, well, I was in the fog. My one friend was the one that I discussed it with some more after I left and I believe had even mentioned this site to me at some point.

How long where you together?

9 years total, 6 married.

What was the main reason why you left the relationship / marriage?

I couldn't take his treatment of me when it had ramped up to a level I hadn't seen after we had given up a pet because it was way too much to handle for me (and for him too, though he wouldn't admit it). I didn't even really know what was going on, I just knew I needed to get out of our home and to a friend's to live with. It was only a couple weeks later that I realized that oh boy, things had been extremely dysfunctional.