Now the rest of my life

[SonofThunder]

No surprises here, I am still working on replying to and handle her first email yesterday. Now her third, second today arrived.

She must have been starving for contacting me.

I will be full toolbox mode with my uPDex and uNPDfather forever, regardless of any time or change of circumstance.  I am confident you and I think alike on that subject, so continued encouragement as you still have business to take care of and minor children together.

SoT

[escapingman]

I will be full toolbox mode with my uPDex and uNPDfather forever, regardless of any time or change of circumstance.  I am confident you and I think alike on that subject, so continued encouragement as you still have business to take care of and minor children together.

SoT

I have set a rule to myself to never reply to anything from ex wife without sleeping on it, unless it is either urgent or very simple. I am very much using the toolbox with her now and I am as much MC as I can. She is asking me how I am and tries to get any emotional response from me, but I am keeping to facts and keep it all as short as possible. We are indeed in a high contact time with selling the house, dividing the content and having her entering the house for the first time in almost a year.

I am treating my FOO the same, the lowest possible contact without stopping it. It's hard, but it's the only way to keep me sane.

[SonofThunder]

I will be full toolbox mode with my uPDex and uNPDfather forever, regardless of any time or change of circumstance.  I am confident you and I think alike on that subject, so continued encouragement as you still have business to take care of and minor children together.

SoT

I have set a rule to myself to never reply to anything from ex wife without sleeping on it, unless it is either urgent or very simple. I am very much using the toolbox with her now and I am as much MC as I can. She is asking me how I am and tries to get any emotional response from me, but I am keeping to facts and keep it all as short as possible. We are indeed in a high contact time with selling the house, dividing the content and having her entering the house for the first time in almost a year.

I am treating my FOO the same, the lowest possible contact without stopping it. It's hard, but it's the only way to keep me sane.

Sounds like a perfect plan EM. Well done!

SoT

[escapingman]

I am going to create new thread in the working on me forum later, but in shirt she has reappeared in my dreams after this heightened contact finalising everything. I hope this is temporary but not pleasant at all to wake up feeling like I am back in the relationship.

[hhaw]

I used to have dreams like that..... and they were very odd dreams too. 

So real.

I think it's just your subconscious trying to work out what's what.  Being mindful, examining the tough feelings when you're in a good head space.... sitting with the wounded/frightened/freaked out parts of yourself, while examining the upsetting feelings is one way to process the trauma and move through and beyond it, IME.
First, I have to notice what I'm feeling THEN I ask permission from my upset part to give me some space...... I keep that part close to me, maybe sit next to it or hug it as I reassure it I'll stay with it and help it get past whatever is upsetting it.... validate it with gusto...... be very patient and break it into the smallest pieces for examination.

This is something I still do with my T, btw. I haven't quite moved wholly into a place where I do this with the BIGGER issues.  I handle the smaller ones pretty well on a daily basis.

I wish I'd know to do this 20 years ago when I was freshly away from my abusive ASPD N.

[Tirol]

Hi,
Iam just new here.
What was her suggestion?
I have difficulties to understand what you mean.

T

"Practical things," such as? In truth your only connection to her now is your children, and apparently they're of an age they get to choose and initiate contact with her. Unless it's coordinating something in that regard (where/when you drop off or pick up), what's actually needed here?

We still have the house to sell, but the only thing to coordinate is when she can collect her items. But to close down our joint bank accounts, the bank either need a letter signed by both of us or for us both to go down the bank together and close it, I am sure you can guess which was her suggestion 

Regarding the kids, there is no co parenting and there is no seeing the other parent so zero need for contact at the moment.

[Lookin 2 B Free]

Hi, Tirol.  Welcome to Out of the FOG.  Reading past posts can be very helpful to understanding how to deal with pwPDs.  The toolbox is also central to what we practice here.  And when you feel like sharing about your situation, you can get good support and feedback.

As far as what EM said, I guess he'd have to answer that if he sees these posts.  My interpretation was that PDs usually like to pull you into more involvement where they can exert more manipulation and control, but I could be mistaken.  Anyway, glad you're here and I hope you let us know how you're doing!

[escapingman]

Hi Tirol and welcome.

Lookin 2  B Free is right, uNPDxw thought we should go to the bank together rather than signing a document. Anyway, shortly after me rejecting the idea of meeting up to go to the bank she found an online form she could fill in   

As Lookin said, PD's often go to great length to try to make us engage with them. The attempts she has done to get me involved since our divorce was finalised would be laughable if it wasn't so sad.