Update to "Are We Enabling"

[Adria]

Dh came home today. I sat down with him and read him all your insightful posts.  He was astounded at the thought that went into each and every post that was written.  We disected them and pulled out all the things we thought pertained to our son, what we thought might work, what we thought he might listen to and what might stick.

We called him over to the house. He was in kind of rough shape, but he did sit and listen.  I told him that we think we need to make some changes because what we are doing doesn't seem to be working for us, him and the people that are trying to help him.  I said that he is 37 years old, and it's time he starts taking responsibility for his health.  That we seem to care more about his health and well-being than he does. And, we can't keep picking up the pieces for him anymore.  Also, that we cannot support him not taking care of business. Told him that he is running in circles, not growing, and nothing seems to change, etc.  We got about 5 minutes worth in before he started to get agitated and left the house, but it was better than we expected.  He didn't argue or try to defend himself.  It looked like he was thinking about what we said. 

I called and left him a message saying thank you for listening and that I loved him. He sent a message back saying he loved us too.

I don't know what is going to happen, but I told him we needed a bit of a break to re energize, and we thought maybe he should step back a little and rethink some strategies himself. 

Dh and I want to thank everyone who posted.  We read and reread the posts and took everything written into consideration.  All of it made sense.  You are wonderful people, and you really helped us get our thoughts together.  We will be making a few other changes as well in the near future.  Sometimes, I think dh and I get so burned out over it all, we can't see the forest through the trees.   I think we might possibly have a nice peaceful weekend.  You made all the difference, and for that we are very grateful. Hugs, Adria.

[Poison Ivy]

Adria, you, your husband, and your son are amazing. I believe your love for each other will strengthen you and your relationships with each other.

[Adria]

Thank you Poison Ivy. You are very sweet. Hugs, Adria

[lillylover]

Dear Adria,
I am so sorry that your son is ill.  From having lived with my own situation I feel your pain and anguish. 

You have received a lot of advice here and have started to put it all into play.  It sounds as if you did a really good job with the talk and then thanking your son later / telling him you love him. And that he texted back with an I love you too.

If I might add anything to the comments you have already received is that it is clear that your son really does know that he is loved and cared about unconditionally.  That doesn't make it all better, I'm afraid.  But it is my belief that it matters a great deal. 

Sending you many hugs...

[Adria]

Lillylover,

I'm sorry that you are all too familiar with this type of situation.  My heart goes out to you.
Thank you for your kind words.  It means the world to me.  I will keep you in my prayers. Hugs, Adria