adult daughter with BPD

[bleveinthebest]

hello All, My wife and I recently moved to another state to live with our daughter who was recently diagnosed with BPD. She had lost her job and was both financially and emotionally insecure. We were all the way across country and things got pretty frightening. We came to support her and to help her get on a path to wellness. She has secured a good job ( better actually) but she will not take her medication consistently and is making excuses as to why she cant get DBT. ( financial) but we know she has the means. We ultimately fear for the worst if she doesn't get help  Wehave been on the end of some terrifying phone calls. We need education/ advice as to how to talk with her and for our own happiness.  She knows she needs DBT but she is making one excuse after another .  THis also stems from her depression and the paralyzing effect that has on motivation. We need a starting point and people we can relate to.  We worry about manipulation adn at what point are we enabling and not helping.  There is so much more to this than can be conveyed in an e-mail. Thank you.

[notrightinthehead]

Welcome!
As a starting point, please read the Top 100 traits in the Personality Disorders tab. You might discover some of the traits your daughter has. Make a list of the traits you have observed.
Then turn your attention to the Toolbox for useful strategies when interacting with your daughter.
I also strongly recommend to find support for yourself and your wife - therapy, 12 step groups, counseling, whatever works for you. 
I am sorry you had to find us and glad you did. You are not alone.

[guitarman]

Welcome. You are not alone.

I have an undiagnosed BPD/NPD sister. How I got help for myself first was by joining my local carers centre. They had a mental health carers support worker and a mental health carers support group that I joined. I made sure to go to their regular meetings.

It was good to share with other people and to express my feelings and learn techniques to use to communicate better with my sister.

The most important lessons that I learned was to always stay calm no matter what happened, set firm boundaries, work on building my self esteem and validate her feelings. It's not easy to stay calm when all my buttons were being pushed to get a reaction from me.

We share our stories and learn from each other how better to cope on the forum.

Keep calm. Stay strong. Stay safe. Keep posting.