What did you do to mark significant dates?

[DaisyGirl77]

In less than a month I'll be coming up on a full decade from my eF's uBPD mother.  I've been wanting to buy...something...to mark the occasion but I don't know what.  I was originally thinking jewelry (I do love my rings) but I barely wear jewelry anyway.  I have a phoenix tattoo (my first!) that I got last year, but...  This feels like it needs something.

My plan is to buy this item--whatever it is--& all future anniversaries on this date will just be marked in my head.  She's taken up enough space.  This is happy for me, so...I'm thinking something that means strength, resilience, PTSD, sacrifice, rebirth...  Y'know.  It's not like it's a tall order or anything.

What did you do/buy to celebrate your freedom?  I need ideas.  HELP ME SHOP!

[Call Me Cordelia]

Congratulations.

“She’s taken up enough space.”

Interesting you think that and want to buy something to mark this perverse anniversary. That’s not to say I haven’t felt the urge to treat myself on NC milestones! But I think that sentiment would point towards more of an experience than an object. An experience of self-care, a vacation, taking a class or learning experience. One thing my family did was go on vacations we loved with the money we had previously spent traveling to see the PD IL’s. We did a few adventurous things like canyoneering. Another thing we did, not deliberately in “rebellion” but it could have been, was treat ourselves to some really great meals at a top restaurant. We had learned a lot about good food and wine and really enjoyed the experience. Something to celebrate what you now have room in your life for, to celebrate your ongoing growth within that freedom.

How is your life different ten years out? What about that do you feel most like celebrating?

[NarcKiddo]

Interesting that Cordelia has said what I was coming on to say - namely, it feels to me like an experience might be right. Partly because when you are marking future anniversaries in your head you could perhaps focus on the good experience you had rather than letting her keep on taking up your head space.

Some sort of sport/adventure experience you have never tried before (and which might be a tiny bit scary) might tick the strength, resilience and rebirth boxes? Perhaps something she would disapprove of, if you really need to give her the head space until you get this out of your system.

[Srcyu]

I didn't count the years, months or whatever.
I did still retain an awareness of passing birthdays and the like.

Ten years is a very long time, well done. I can understand the urge to reward yourself in some way.

I grew up hearing the word, "no" in response to all requests. Ballet classes, music lessons, certain toys or clothes - no.
I badly wanted a velvet jacket in my teens. No chance ofcourse. If I ever saw one now that I absolutely loved, I would BUY it.

So that's my suggestion. Buy yourself something that you were once denied.

[Andeza]

Windmill has struck on it I think, reward the inner child. I always wanted pretty dresses growing up, but secretly, because ubpdm needed me to be a tomboy like her ands part of me knew there would be judgement. I'm now stocking my wardrobe with dresses and skirts that I like, that flatter my figure, that make me connect with my femininity. It's transformational for me.

Mind you I'm not saying go beyond what you can budget for. 

[DaisyGirl77]

Thank you for all the ideas!  I really enjoyed reading them.

I hit upon one a few days ago that was a twist on the first idea I had for a tattoo & had been holding onto this idea for nearly 2 decades, lol.  But that new idea was too far out of reach.  Instead, I've reached out to a couple artists I know to see if they can turn it into a painting so I can hang it up in my house.  I've never done this before so I'm hoping the cost won't be too outrageous like the tattoo cost was, lol.  Also, one of the artists I know & own one of her paintings has since moved roughly 1300 miles away.  We shall see.

[xredshoesx]

i do home improvement or garden projects with my DH as a victory dance when i get that need to celebrate my pd- milestones.    it's like i'm honoring the road i came down to be in this place in my life.

[afro-pope]

When I let my ex live with me, I realized that they had a drinking problem. Beer was bad enough, but liquor would make them mean and violent, so I stopped keeping it in the house.

The day they moved out, I bought the most expensive bottle of whiskey I'd ever bought, which happened to also be the brand we shared on our first date (before they developed the alcohol problem).

[1footouttadefog]

Buy a bit of jewelry with an elephant.  They are strong, live long lives and never forget.  I don't mean like holding grudges but remembering lessons and what dangers to avoid in the future. 

[DaisyGirl77]

i do home improvement or garden projects with my DH as a victory dance when i get that need to celebrate my pd- milestones.    it's like i'm honoring the road i came down to be in this place in my life.

This was exactly the motivation I had behind marking this date.  Thanks for putting it into words for me.

So the date has come & gone.  I turned it into a 3 day celebration--made it into a 3 day weekend from work & had myself a bunch of fun.  On the actual date I wound up going to a local paint your own pottery shop to make an item.  I had great fun by myself doing this & have been pestering my sisters to do it together, but they're ignoring me.  (Not ignoring me, just mmhmming with zero intention of following through, lol.)  I also heard back from one of the artists about the tattoo turned painting idea.  She accepted the job.  There's been a bit of a wrench in the plan since her dominant hand was recently discovered to have been fractured & she'd been painting in pain for several weeks with it.  She's now teaching herself to paint with her other hand.  Crossing my fingers it goes well for her--painting is how she makes extra money.

Thanks for the ideas!  I really appreciated them.

[SaddleBagger]

I do things to create new positive experiences and memories around the time or place in question. It can be almost anything. Spending time with a different person. Engaging in an activity that is 100% my idea and my desire. We're only limited by our imaginations.