A New Tactic or not.

[Nominuke]

Hello again.

It's been a while since I posted.

A short recap of my situation. I went completely NC around 7 years ago after having a epithany about my Nparent.

That time was especially difficult in that enabling parent had a serious illness and passed and this was a catalyst in my decision not to involve Nparent in life.

I closed down all channels of communication except one and got on with my life.

Since then Nparent has used this channel from time to time to send threatening messages about how they/karma will destroy me etc, for going NC. This doesn't really worry me as I'm in a place where I realise that Nparent isn't normal.

The most recent message is different. It just states that they sold their house and would like to give me some money. So could I send them my bank details.

No apologies etc, even though the last message on the channel was full of bad intentions. There was not even an acknowledgement we don't speak anymore.

I'm pretty sure it's not a scam in that the house has actually been sold.

So what would you do? Break the NC for a unknown sum of money or continue with it for a quiet life?

[Srcyu]

Without knowing any further details such as approximately how much they would like to give you, then the answer should be, "no"

The sudden change in tone of communication is a major concern. Again, you would need more information.

If the promise of an unspecified amount of money can break the no contact then the last seven years will have been a waste imo.


milly

[Leonor]

Hi Nominuke,

The house sale is not a scam.

The scam is "I am going to give you money with no strings attached out of my own love for you and inherent generosity while respecting your boundaries and moving forward in a spirit of goodwill and respect."

The likelihood you would even see a penny of that money, btw, is very small indeed.

[NarcKiddo]

None of my business, but I am curious as to why you left one channel open. No need to respond if you don't wish to.

To me, this smells like a tactic. If there is an open channel of communication, is there not some way in which they could get, say, a check to you? Via a third party if need be? if they are that desperate to pass money to you there is usually some way it can be done without requiring you to respond to their contact. Especially when no sum of money has been mentioned.

[Cat of the Canals]

The scam is "I am going to give you money with no strings attached out of my own love for you and inherent generosity while respecting your boundaries and moving forward in a spirit of goodwill and respect."

The likelihood you would even see a penny of that money, btw, is very small indeed.

Both my PDmom and PDmil make grand offers that have major strings attached. "Oh, well if you want it, then you'll need to [insert hoop to jump here]."

And like NarcKiddo pointed out, there's no reason contact had to be made here. If they felt you really should have some of the money, there are ways to make that happen without FORCING you to make contact.

[NotFooledAnymore]

My initial reaction to this is that I would, at a minimum, definitely NOT share any bank information with them. Also, in my own experience with NPD family members, there is never an instance of altruistic money giving. There are always strings attached.

Also, if you break no contact for this, then that may possibly communicate to them that money will motivate you to come back and break no contact.

If you feel a need to respond, perhaps just simply thank them for the offer but tell them you will not be accepting money from them.

[moglow]

They want your banking details?? Yeah no. If they want to share, they can send a check.

[Call Me Cordelia]

 

[Nominuke]

Thanks for all the replies.

I definitely think that there will be strings attached to any "gift" and my gut is saying its a trap.

There is a history of them claiming that they can't be "bad" because of a "good" act. (Let's not think about all the harmful acts).

I guess I left the one channel open in the hope that just maybe the leopard could change it's spots. I've never replied, so Nparent probably isn't sure I'm receiving the communications.

I'm not worried about getting communications from them. I live a very long way from them so it's unlikely that I will have any face to face contact.

I do like the idea of telling them to send a check. I'm considering suggesting sending it to a third party and have the person send it on to me.

The NC will be broken minimally and can easily be restored.

The downside of this is that it may feel like I've not remained true to the NC. Is it worth breaking the NC for money?

[PunkCroc]

Unless they name a specific amount and a legit reason, probably not. I wouldn't accept money from someone I've been in NC with for 7 years. This won't be worth it and it will turn into leverage. "I gave you money you could at least call/email/meet with me!"

[Leonor]

Let's reframe the question:

"Can my parents buy me out of no contact?"

You didn't go no contact because your parents didn't give you money. You went no contact because it was the only way for you to create a healthy environment for yourself, stand in your truth, and advocate for a world without abuse.

And now your parent wants to put a price tag on that.

[Cat of the Canals]

If you're inclined to accept the money (which I personally think is fine. It's the least our crappy parents could do, honestly), I would respond with something clear, concise, and direct. "You can send a check to XYZ."

And then I'd move on with the expectation that the check will never arrive. If it does, hurray. If it doesn't, or there's another song and dance about how they need THIS or THAT from you before they'll send the money, then I think you can write it off as a BS ploy to get you to break NC and proceed appropriately (i.e. back to enforcing NC and ignoring further attempts at contact).

[NarcKiddo]

 

[PunkCroc]

Also keep in mind since they never quoted you an actual amount, "money" could be $5.

If they're serious about sending any money from a home sale, it's probably not, but I mean...$5 is still money.

[Nominuke]

A quick update;

I decided to sit on it for a while before deciding to reply or not. It's a big decision to break several years of NC and if it was a genuine offer the money would keep, right?

Anyway a few days went by, then a week. That became a couple of weeks. Then a month and I still hadn't decided.

Shortly after that an abusive email arrived raging at me for not responding.

Seems whatever the plan was I spoiled it by not replying.

You have to wonder what planet my Nparent lives on.

[moglow]

Fwiw, mine would/does the same - send baiting text or msg (including by flying  monkey) then explode when I didn't respond as or when expected. She's still the same person with her own agenda, in other words.