One week

[losingmyself]

I have one week to go. I feel like I am waiting to go on a vacation. I know it's going to get ugly, but I have set up an agreement with my lawyer that is fair and equitable to STBX. I had to tell my lawyer to change some wording, because I have learned how STBX will interpret it. I said "In this sentence, this is the only word he's going to see" So, we took it out. I'm so happy to have a lawyer who listens and believes me. Maybe it's because I've paid him, but, whatever!
My level of tolerance for his behavior has diminished greatly. I just have to bite my tongue and act as usual. I have been told to keep my battle plans close to my chest, and don't reveal any of my plans. I listen! And, I can do that for another 7 days.
Last week I was scared and nervous. That feeling is still there, but overpowered by HOPE.
So, next friday, after my treatment gets done (I have had to start treatment for my cancer again) I will go home, put the divorce papers on the coffee table, write a short note, pack up as much of my belongings as I can, and head out of town to my S's. I know that a very huge part of why I'm not so afraid is my support system. I am very blessed with a great, and great big family. And the friends that I have would help me in a flash. I will have anything I need.
I don't have any illusions that I can predict what he's going to do. I just have no idea. Except for the smear campaign, I know that's coming! No worries.
I don't know what my future holds, if I can take care of the land I have, or afford it. Time will tell. I will cut off any unnecessary bills, TV streaming services, things will get paid for so there's no monthly payments. Then we'll see. If I can't handle it, I will do needed repairs to the house, and find a small place in town. It won't make me sad because I will know that I tried.
What I do know is that it will be better.
It has to be.
Thanks, Friends!

[Poison Ivy]

I hope everything goes well. Your approach is inspiring!

[square]

What an amazing post. I have so much admiration for you.

[SonofThunder]

Agree with everyone! 

Losingmyself,

Well done designing up a plan that both works for your situation and needs at this time, yet also utilizes your PD knowledge, turning it into creative legal work, with a specific wording change to take a known focus off the page, which may be better for you.  Very well done!! 

As you progress onward, after the initial heavy dust of next week settles down just a tad, and both lawyers begin the opposing work for their respected client, I want to insert a legal wording consideration that is working very well for me at the moment.  This would also depend on the divorce laws of your state.

I am in an equitable distribution state in the USA with a 1 year min separation span required.  If your state is similar to mine, you may have an interim separation agreement that dictates what must occur between separation and divorce and imo, PD's love to push the legal boundaries (covertly) in this span.  Therefore, I will touch base with you for your consideration, if you desire at all.

Thoughts and prayers to you for a calmer-than-expected reaction and successful medical treatment.  Turning unknowns to knowns is both scary yet incredibly liberating and an incredible asset to you along the way.  It takes bravery to convert unknowns to knowns and you are an incredibly brave person!  I tip my hat to you!

SoT

[escapingman]

Stay strong and take care losingmyself, this is a dangerous time. I am rooting for you and please keep us updated how things are going.

Good luck!

[Boat Babe]

This is hero level bravery losingmyself and I am cheering you on from my corner of the world. Stay focused and calm and move forward with purpose. Your life, with all it's challenges, is going to get so much better. Keep talking to us for support.

[PlantFlowersNotWeeds]

You got this....

[SeaBreeze]

You got this! Speaking as someone who is 2 months out, just keep putting one foot in front of the other and look forward. 

[StartingHealing]

Well Done!   

[losingmyself]

I don't know... bravery is not a strong suit of mine...
I listened to an old podcast from Richard Grannon the other day. He just put it like it is...nobody's going to show up and do this for me. I have to do it. I have to.
Thank you for all your kind cheering. I need it.
SOT, I am in a state where as long as both parties agree and sign the divorce papers, it is done. Could just take a week. Probably more, but the judge just has to sign off on it.
He is not going to hire a lawyer. There really isn't anything to fight over. He just might take his time signing papers, but even that has a time limit.
I will stay as safe as I can. I have plans that I think will keep me safe. I told my boss today. We had a nice talk. I am very lucky in my job. Work is the only place that I feel a little vulnerable, but my friends here will protect me if needed.
Also, as if the universe is cheering me on as well, I got test results back today that show very very good progress in my cancer treatment!!
5 days left...
thank you, friends

[escapingman]

WOW that is great news, may this be the real turn for the better in all aspects of your life!

[square]

Really glad to hear the good news about the cancer treatment progress.

[SonofThunder]

Losingmyself,

Your bravery has already shown itself in getting to this point and making that firm decision to leave. Imo, some of the hardest conquests we face as the target of a PD is the tremendous obstacles we must overcome in ourselves first.  When we finally stop kicking the abuse-can farther down the street and instead, design up and shift our closely held war plans for self-protection, freedom and future into gear, the bravery trait shows itself in a strong manner and becomes an powerful asset in the war chest. 

You can certainly do this! 🤛🏼 I was encouraged to read that you believe your legal skirmish may be shorter, and my thoughts and prayers for you will be for that to materialize as you wrote.  All this while self-caring in cancer treatments, and a huge high five 🙌🏼 on that positive news!  Ha!!..you are battling on multiple fronts at the same time and have solid plans. Now that is a brave leader and fighter! 

SoT

[losingmyself]

Thank you.
I will tell you, in complete honesty, that I am terrified.
I am as prepared for this battle as I can be, but
I am a child stepping into the dark kind of scared.
But scared is what has kept me here, and made me lose time with my kids.
I'm going to keep  moving forward, anyway.
One foot in front of the other, right, SeaBreeze?
3 days left.

[SonofThunder]

Thank you.
I will tell you, in complete honesty, that I am terrified.
I am as prepared for this battle as I can be, but
I am a child stepping into the dark kind of scared.
But scared is what has kept me here, and made me lose time with my kids.
I'm going to keep  moving forward, anyway.
One foot in front of the other, right, SeaBreeze?
3 days left.

Losingmyself,

Imo much of war is good advanced planning and as you wrote, you are as prepped as you can be at this time.  Surely yes, turning unknowns to knowns is scary, but the more you convert, the better you will know the enemy and yourself and you can tweak the battle plans.

Battle plans are fantastic and necessary, but inflexibility to adjust to the enemies actions/reactions puts the enemy at an advantage.  You wrote:

"...scared is what has kept me here, and made me lose time with my kids.
I'm going to keep moving forward, anyway."

Excellent!  I will add that "kept me here" is not all in vain, because you have become very knowledgable about the enemy (see the Sun Tsu quotes below) by your close quarters with him, and also well educated in your understanding of PD behaviors and therefore you may be able to well predict his actions/reactions, therefore in anticipation, protect yourself and assist your forward motion. 

In 3 days you will make a first move and that will be the start of the war of necessary change for yourself.  Your offensive (vs defensive) move will allow, in time, the first unknown to become a known and it will be excellent feedback.  Have all the necessary safety precautions in place, and bravely step out! You can do this!  You are not alone!

I'm bringing these time and battle-proven truths up once again to you.  They are for your encouragement.

From Sun Tzu's ancient writing:  'The Art of War'.

"Now the general who wins a battle, makes many calculations in his temple(privately) ere (before) the battle is fought. The general who loses a battle makes but few calculations beforehand. Thus do many calculations lead to victory, and few calculations to defeat: how much more no calculation at all! It is by attention to this point that I can foresee, who is likely to win or lose."

"It is only one who is thoroughly acquainted with the evils of war that can thoroughly understand the profitable way of carrying it on."

"Hence to fight and conquer in all your battles is not supreme excellence; supreme excellence consists in breaking the enemy's resistance without fighting."

"Hence the saying: If you know the enemy, and know yourself, you need not fear the result of 100 battles.  If you know yourself, but not the enemy, for every victory gained, you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle."

SoT

[losingmyself]

Today's the day. I am scared, but as prepared as I can be.
In just a little over an hour, I'll be at home, packing up my things.
I hope things go as planned.

[Poison Ivy]

I hope everything goes well.

[SonofThunder]

Today's the day. I am scared, but as prepared as I can be.
In just a little over an hour, I'll be at home, packing up my things.
I hope things go as planned.

Godspeed to you losingmyself!  Your friends are here if you need to check in for some Out of the FOG encouragement!  Embrace the turning of the unknown to a known.  Knowns are powerful!   You are a brave warrior!  Lifting you in prayer today.

SoT

[escapingman]

Today's the day. I am scared, but as prepared as I can be.
In just a little over an hour, I'll be at home, packing up my things.
I hope things go as planned.

Godspeed to you losingmyself!  Your friends are here if you need to check in for some Out of the FOG encouragement!  Embrace the turning of the unknown to a known.  Knowns are powerful!   You are a brave warrior!  Lifting you in prayer today.

SoT

[BeautifulCrazy]

Thinking of you and your escape!
Looking forward to reading victorious updates about losingmyself becoming findingmyself!
We are cheering you on from afar.