I'm done, he threw a bottle at me.

[Evie3663]

Hi, i am trying to work out how to get my uNPD husband to leave.  We have been together for almost 35 years and have two adult children.  We have all endured emotional abuse from him and all three of us have had counselling / therapy.  I almost left him 10 years ago but still loved him, i was desperate to make it work, i just could not imagine life without him. My councillor back then recommended he should find ways to build his own self esteem, so i embarked on a many year journey to distract him from abusing the kids and instead focus on me and his own self development and hobbies. It actually made things a little better for him and we seemed to have a fresh start.  The abuse diminished significantly. Well, now i can see all i was stupidly doing is giving him lots of supply and feeding him exactly what he wanted.  This became clear when i recently got very sick, in bed for many days with a high fever.  He was not concerned for me (he always gets annoyed when i get sick) and he lost his 24/7 servant.  He kept engaging me with arguments and demands while i was unwell.  The final straw was he had an argument with our 21yo daughter who still lives with us.  She said no to an unreasonable request and he then yelled at me for "not backing him up" and "undermining" him by not taking his side in the argument.  I asked him to please get me some water as i was bedridden with a high fever and chills,  but he kept arguing and arguing until i lost it and yelled for him to stop arguing and get me some water, i used a swear word and called him an a$$h..le.  Wow..... his face became pure evil and he threw the empty water bottle at me while i was lying in bed, and it hit my arm.  That was the moment i was DONE!!!!  My daughter came running into the room and calmly took the bottle stating, ill get you the water Mum.   My husband stormed off and later verbally abused my daughter and then me again.  I have been sleeping in the guest room since, its been two weeks.  He used the silent treatment on me and my daughter for a week.  At the moment we are back on talking terms and i am avoiding unnecessary conflict as i plan my future without him.  My daughter and mother are aware and both supporting me as they have all experienced or witnessed the years of abuse.   Now i have a question.  Has anyone ever confronted a uNPD with support of several family members / witnesses, and asked them to leave?  I can imagine it will cause him huge distress to be exposed but not able to become verbally or physically abusive as there are witnesses.  Say if i got my whole family .. my parents and my adult kids to witness me asking him to leave. What would a NPD do in this situation?  Has anyone ever tried this? 

[Poison Ivy]

I'm sorry you're enduring this abuse. I don't have suggestions other than to do whatever you can to protect you and your children from your husband's abuse. The situation sounds dangerous.

[notrightinthehead]

Getting him out is one thing- keeping him out another. How will you ensure that he doesn't come back after you asked him to leave? Surely he has keys?
Have you reported the bottle incident to the police? Is there any way you can involve the police and report that you have a domestic violence situation? Get a protective order?
Otherwise- how can you make living with you so uncomfortable for him that he wants to leave?

[escapingman]

 

What BW said. UNPDxw once threatened to throw a cup of hot tea in my face and it was only to the grace of luck she actually stopped herself just before doing so. You just never know when that time they actually cross the last line will be.

Stay safe. Make yourself safe.