New here/Introduction

[Goniometer]

I learned about this forum accidentally/coincidentally. I've been following a Reddit group r/NarcissisticAbuse for a few months and I've read 1 book about narcissism fairly recently. I'm confident that my W has strong narcissistic tendencies, but presents as a vulnerable narcissist. There's been no diagnosis, and I'm reluctant to categorically label her - but there's not much doubt in my mind.

We've been together nearly 40 yr and married for most of that time. My realization of her narcissism didn't snap into place until 2023, but I was well aware of selfishness, lack of empathy, and impaired ability for self-reflection. I can't yet bring myself to do what I should have done a long time ago, and I left of life left to live than what's already passed so I'm not excited about starting over.

I am likely "codependent" as I have known things were not right in that relationship from very early on but have put up with the abuse/mistreatment. From a young age, I was well cared for (clean, fed, sheltered) but emotionally neglected due to my primary caregiver's deep depression (Childhood Emotional Neglect). I think everyone has experiences of family dysfunction and I didn't think much about my upbringing until I was in therapy. In some regards, my marriage has been a reenactment of that childhood neglect. When I experienced W's first major betrayal, I was worried that what I experienced was all that I deserved. Not for some wrongdoing I committed, but because of my early life experiences.

The person I most counted on to validate my perspectives turned out to be my abuser. Reading about narcissism and codependency, and seeing the experiences of others has been extremely helpful in starting my recovery.