He's driving me crazy!

[losingmyself]

This weekend was supposed to be when I go back to my home.
Not happening.
STBXH is playing games (surprise!)
He has still not given me a counter offer. I can't kick him out. I honestly don't know what he's doing. Except buying time to mess with me.
On Friday I made sure he was at work, then went to my home to get pictures and pick up a few things. See my Kitty.
He changed the locks so I can't get in. I felt like breaking a window. He hasn't mowed the lawn at all this summer. The place looks abandoned. It was awful. He has removed all of the scrap iron from the property into a roll off container, which he's sold. He also emptied the contents of my woodshop onto the grass, so things are getting ruined out in the weather. He's been told at least twice by his lawyer and my lawyer that he's not supposed to touch anything until we make an agreement. 
Last week, he tried to blame it on me that he was getting rid of things, saying that he was just 'cleaning up the yard' because I asked him to.
There's more... but my point is the sheer self righteousness he has.. he doesn't even listen to his own lawyer! I think he believes he's getting away with this crap!
I don't know what he is trying to accomplish.  But I'm so angry! I want to go home!
My hope is that he loses everything he thinks he's getting,  which is half the equity in the house. After we take off everything he owes me for things he's sold, there's not going to be much left.
But if his goal is to drive me crazy..well...
I suppose he's holding on to the last bit of control that he can..
Maybe there will be news next week...I hope.

[SonofThunder]

Losingmyself,

Breathe my friend ☺️

PD's are natural masters at predation and manipulation and being underdeveloped, I never expect them to act any other way.....forever.

I am expecting all experiences to be twisted, lack common or legal sense and be totally motived to self-serve the PD, imo even to their potential asset waste, as their reward of control is sometimes of much greater value. I am expecting this with everything shared with a PD, even in divorce, such as kids, grandkids, events related to shared family members and so on.

I am expecting to be continually punished for legally ending my emotional hosting, to the full extent of the law and in areas that aren't law-breaking, but are obstacles in my path.  Imo, this is a prolonged war, and wars are made up of individual battles within the entire campaign. Once the first shot is fired, most prior war plans will need to adjust to the oppositions actions and reactions, but having planned in advance is way better than no planning!

Be flexible and adjust.😃 Use your PD knowledge of his traits and your experiences to try and predict the oppositions next move. You know him well and PD's are very predictable.  Anticipate all ways he can make your legal departure a very uphill battle.

Again, breathe... Take each individual skirmish, one incident at a time, and plan for time to drag.  Therefore, find new areas of joy in some things you can now do with your new freedom; some of your daydreams from the past can possibly utilize your new freedom so you can begin converting past daydreams to reality. 

You are not alone,

SoT

[losingmyself]

Thank you SOT for that dose of reality.
I think that I was giving him just what he wanted,  I was very very upset. 

Dang.

Maybe my new battle plan will be to sit back and let him dig his own hole. I have current pictures,  I can monitor the mail, so I can 'spy' and see how far it goes.
The worse thing is if he sees that his tactics are falling on deaf ears.
I'll watch and record.
Oh, also, I shut off his precious internet so he can't sit and watch you-tube all day on my dollar.
I have been enjoying life with my kids!!

[escapingman]

One question, is it legal for hom to change the locks where you live? I was told to not change the locks when xw left the house as that would be breaking the law to lock her out(despite a court order she was not allowed to return). Maybe check with your lawyer,  might be able to use it?

But prepare for a long battle, he will drag it out.

[losingmyself]

EM, I don't think it is. It's my house as much as it is his. I let my lawyer know about that, and the state of things at my home. I will contintue to record these antics. I could have broken a window to get in. My house, my window. But I chose not to go that far.

[SonofThunder]

I think that I was giving him just what he wanted.

Maybe my new battle plan will be to sit back and let him dig his own hole.

I have been enjoying life with my kids!!

+1

Imo silently document his noticeable hole digging with dates, times and details and do no hole-digging from you in return, so there's nothing for the opposition to document. Expect all the PD traits and plan ahead so anger is not ruling you and feeding him.  Enjoy life more and there will be less time focused on PD/divorce things.

Imo PD's will have to get supply from something/someone so expect it. Im following law and ethics and I can only control myself, so its 'status quo' boring on my end.

SoT

[losingmyself]

He has about 36 hours to give me a counter offer. I'll just wait and see what happens and how my lawyer wants to handle it. I should know something on Monday. 
I have been providing any necessary documents that his lawyer asked for, right away. While he has been lying to his lawyer about money he put into the house. I provided proof, now it's his turn. That'll be interesting since it's not true.
He also said he needs me to let him come on my property after he (finally) moves out because he doesn't have anywhere to move all his stuff. To which I say "Oh, hell, no" Funny how he can't give me any concessions but asks me for some. This is life with a pd person.
So, I wait, try not to be impatient and enjoy my life.
I have been!
I shopped for some clothes, and realize that I have taste! Might be a little different,  but it's still me. I bought clothes that I never would have been allowed to. V-necks!! Gasp!
The unfairness of it all is difficult to deal with, but I have confidence that it'll turn out in my favor.
Thanks, friends,

[losingmyself]

I got the counter offer yesterday before I left work.
What a joke! He claims he doesn't know my monthly income, he has a 401K but doesn't know how much is in it. He's trying to claim that he doesn't know where I am, but I moved out of the home. He still wants his Non marital interest in the property. He still has to prove that. And instead of him taking everything and going away, and each of us paying our own medical bills, he wants to split everything. Um... ok.  My medical bills are substantially larger than his, but if he wants to pay for half of them, ok, I guess. And only take half of everything, ok, as well.
From reading the papers, I can tell that his lawyer probably asked him to provide her with my income, and how much is in the 401K, but he never did. He'll have to do some work to get proof of this $20,000.00 he put into the mortgage, but he won't. I'm guessing she was on her last day to send something, so she just made this up. That must be so frustrating to have someone hire you, then not provide you with any information. The only thing he told her was that he wants the stuff. And credit for this imaginary $20K. This offer is so much worse for him, it's funny. There's a few things I'll change, but I'm ok with it. I just want my home back!
I feel like it's getting closer!

[SonofThunder]

Keep up the great silent reconnaissance, not giving the PD anything to use against you!  He will continue to reveal truth on his own, without your assistance and as you stated: "That must be so frustrating to have someone hire you, then not provide you with any information.".

Imo, he will end up claimimg to be the victim 🔺of a lame attorney when just the opposite is true.  I know a person who's PDspouse is on a third attorney, claimimg to have fired the first two. The truth is the first two couldn't work with the PD and as you said, lack of any providec information/lies.

You will probably end quietly spectating his own downfall.

SoT