DAE get sad when looking at children's things?

[easterncappy]

I wonder why this is. When trying to select toys for my daughter I get really sad. I feel a tad embarrassed that a crawling Minnie Mouse toy can bring me to tears, like it gives me an ugly sad feeling I can't identify. I wonder if this is a "I never had nice things or a good childhood" reaction or maybe it's bringing my mind back to my childhood, which was bad even if there were nice toys occasionally. Or does this also happen to people who did not have bad childhoods?

Sorry if this is an odd question. It feels so weird that I feel weird saying it. Lol

[Catothecat]

No, you are certainly not the only one who experiences this, easterncappy!  It's been a feature of my entire adult life--an automatic emotional reaction to the sight of children's toys/books.  For me, the source is the reminder of how such objects actually served as a lifeline for me in childhood.  When things got bad, I could always return to my Barbies or my books or my games and find reassurance that I could create for myself something good.  I could lose myself in that world of play and make-believe and my parents couldn't touch that no matter how hard they tried (my father once threw all of my Barbie "stuff" including the dolls around the room when he was in one of his alcoholic rages, yelling why wasn't I outside playing, etc.)  That sense of safety in those objects, in the physical fact of their being there for me, helped me get through a bad childhood.  When I see things like that today, I feel both hope for the child who owns/will own them and the pain of knowing how desperately I once held onto such things, like a person who might drown otherwise. 

[NarcKiddo]

I experience it too and I don't know why. I haven't actually thought much about it, but now you mention it I will look out for the next time it happens and see if I can work out more. Part of it probably stems from the fact that my toys were never really "mine". In theory they were but my mother would conduct clear-outs from time to time and throw out ones she thought I had not played with for some time or that she thought were broken. I had some marker pens in the shape of small animals. I liked them so kept them long after the markers stopped working. But when mother discovered they did not work they were deemed rubbish to be got rid of. I remember the names of my favourite childhood toys (I am talking around age 5 and I have very few memories from that time). The names are long and fancy and certainly not names I would have thought up at that age. I have a couple of stuffed toys now and their names are the kind of names a small child might use. There is, for example, a wombat called Wom-Wom. When I was sent away to boarding school my mother bestowed her favourite childhood toy on me and that was the toy I was to take with me.

[Jolie40]

this is not the same thing
however, bil had parents who didn't buy him and his brother many toys when they were kids
he goes overboard on gifts for his kids at Christmas & birthdays cause he doesn't want them to experience what he did
it really bothered him not getting much as a kid

[moglow]

I can see that - For me it's an unmet need, a comfort thing. I was always a big Barbie fan but only had a few, none of the cool houses, cars, camper etc. I played with them well into my teens but didn't tell anyone. I could retreat into my own little world and be [sort of] left alone. When we left mother's home everything we left behind was trashed. Going back there months later, it was as if we'd never lived there at all. All those memories gone. Even as an adult I trolled through toy sections checking out all the styles, clothes and accessories .

[monamurre]

Buckle up. Parenthood is going to take you on a tour of your own childhood, but with a whole new perspective. I think having my daughter was the single biggest eye opener for me.

It's not toys per se (my mom was a hoarder so I had TONS of stuff), but it is the emotional support aspect of parenting that was lacking. I didn't even realize that was a thing until I had a child. Now every time I hug her when she is upset or coach her through the latest mean girl episode, I realize, huh? I never had this from my mom....and yes, I feel sad, I could have used it.

[Call Me Cordelia]

 

The other day I got sad in Costco because they had a simple A-frame swing set for sale. We had the frame, came with the house. But the swings needed to be replaced. My parents took the broken swings down but absolutely refused to replace them. And we weren't allowed to climb on the frame, either. 

I too had TONS of toys but also had many similar experiences of withholding the thing I really wanted. It's subtle, and such an emotional minefield for me now as a parent.

[NarcKiddo]

The most recent posts about parenting have reminded me of a recent time I went out to lunch with some old school friends. One of them has a daughter aged around eight. My friend was talking about having a clear out of her house and giving anything decent to charity before throwing everything else away. She said her daughter had been reluctant to join in. One day while she was at school my friend went through her daughter's wardrobe and put aside everything that does not fit her any more. I was feeling really ill when I heard this, remembering how my own mother would chuck out my stuff regardless of whether I liked it. But then my friend said "I've put it all aside for my daughter to check through. She needs to try on the clothes and be satisfied they don't fit. I can't just get rid of it because it is her stuff." And I was amazed! What? A parent actually does that? Actually considers their child's views? (I don't have children, in case you are wondering!)

[Xyz]

Even as an adult I trolled through toy sections checking out all the styles, clothes and accessories .

Mo, I do the same.  I love looking at Barbie clothes/accessories.  I also love looking at baby doll clothing/accessories, I was so taken with a doll stroller the other day, I found myself standing in the aisle, staring at it.  I am also drawn to stuffed animals, and have a small collection of those.  I would like to have a doll, but I have a lot of embarrassment/shame around that.

Thank you, EasternCappy, for starting this thread.  I too feel sad, and weird about my feelings, re children's toys.