Trigged by Dreams

[FindingHappinessAgain]

Hiya. Not sure if I'm looking for solace, a soapbox, or words of wisdom here...maybe all three?   

After being NC with my STPD NPD bio-dad for the past 9 years and literally moving to another country and continent, I have gratefully found much peace, happiness, and healing from my trauma (not fully but I've come a long way the past few years). Most days things are peachy and life can be consciously lived without thinking of or being affect by the past.

But the biggest thing I can't seem to get over? These damn involuntary random traumatic dreams and how they color the rest of my day. They don't always ruin my day, sometimes I'm able to shake it off and go about my business. But early this morning about 2.5 hours before my alarm went off, I had a particularly emotional dream involving him which shot me awake and left me in a ball of anxiety/on the brink of a panic attack. I didn't want to wake up the H for comfort, even though I should have  , so I let the feelings fester and grow. I started going down the rabbit hole of reliving the trauma, the anger, loss, hatred, self-pity, loathing, etc etc. It wasn't pretty to say the least. H woke up when the alarm went off and I practically jumped on him and started uncontrollably sobbing. I finally calmed down (thanks to the H and snuggling with our fur-babies in bed) but I've really felt off for the rest of the day today and just can't seem to shake these gloomy feelings.

I know the healing stage/state of being doesn't mean sunshine and lollipops every.single.day, nor do I expect that, but, man, when those dark day(s) come, they are a doozy  .


Anyone else suffer from painful trigging dreams? If so, how do you cope? Do they ever go away, get easier, or lessen in frequency for you?

S

[moglow]

I think we're all working through things, albeit on different levels, and the seeming randomness of it can sure blindside us at times. Do you do much journaling? I wondered if when you wake up you were to write down the dream, what you felt and thought about it stream of consciousness style would help. You know, getting it OUT to move past it, then go back later and read over it. Maybe there's something/someone in your life that triggered it? Or you saw or heard something that took you back and you hadn't paid attention to before, but your body did. Our bodies really do tell the tale, I know certain tones or behaviors will set me off even if not coming from the original source.

[FindingHappinessAgain]

I think we're all working through things, albeit on different levels, and the seeming randomness of it can sure blindside us at times. Do you do much journaling? I wondered if when you wake up you were to write down the dream, what you felt and thought about it stream of consciousness style would help. You know, getting it OUT to move past it, then go back later and read over it. Maybe there's something/someone in your life that triggered it? Or you saw or heard something that took you back and you hadn't paid attention to before, but your body did. Our bodies really do tell the tale, I know certain tones or behaviors will set me off even if not coming from the original source.

Hi Moglow,

I don't actually journal at all but I think after this episode I am going to start. I am sure something or someone probably triggered it but I can't pinpoint it at this moment. I used to have these dreams much more frequently in the past and they've lightened up in recent years, but they still pop up and blindside me. Thanks for the suggestion, I am definitely going to go purchase a journal today!

[xredshoesx]

stressy 'now' stuff will give me nightmares about childhood.  i know in my situations there's a lot of hazy areas about what really happened with all the gaslighting my uPD mother did, the fact that my dad refuses to discuss any of it and my own distrust of my own memories because of that gaslighting. 

be gentle with yourself today.  recovery is a very one step forward, two step back experience and figuring out the triggers and navigating those feelings/ issues before they show up in our dream state is like peeling layers of an onion.  it takes a lot to get to the center of things.