My sibling is always traveling, why does that bug me?

[SaltwareS]

One of my siblings travels all the time. I cannot afford that lifestyle. I get annoyed hearing from him from various countries and cities. This has always bugged me. But it bugs me that it bugs me.

I don't know if it's because when I was young, they all went to Europe for six weeks and I was too young and left with grandma. I had a wonderful grandmother. However, I feel like that became his identity, the travel guy.

He gets passive income through renting out a property through AirBnB. I hate AirBnB and what it's done to housing stock. Sibling does not care about the area he lives in. He's always looking to where he'll move away to, and talking about it. I have another sibling who travels sometimes, but it doesn't annoy me.

[Hilltop]

I think it's great that you recognise it bugs you and don't like that it bugs you. It doesn't matter what he is doing because at the end of the day he is his own person and we have different likes/dislikes.  Doesn't make one person wrong or right.

Have you ever asked him why he loves to travel? It's possible that earlier holiday shaped him however looking at people around me they either seem to have an interest or they don't.

Is there a possible slight jealousy or resentment that he can afford this at this stage in his life right now whereas you are not able to?  Keep in mind it may not always be that way.  Is it possible you felt something from being left at home when younger and he was given something you weren't?  Do you feel an ongoing favouritism perhaps?

Sit with the emotions and see what comes up, see what in you is driving this, when you really see what those emotions are you may then be able to release those emotions. 

[SaltwareS]

Thanks Hilltop. I don't think it is jealousy because my other sibling has other kinds of success travel sibling does not have, and I'm not jealous of other sibling who has wealth, his own children, a spouse, and occasionally travels.

I remember re-reading diaries earlier in my life and being terrified that if I succeeded, that travelSibling would kill himself. I actually wrote that more than once over the years. Then something terrible happened to me, over the course of a few years, and travelSibling's life seemed to go so well after that. He never appeared to struggle with anything after that.

A few years into my breaking away from Family of Origin, just after the awful period started but while it was still going on, I remember thinking I had to get away from travelSibling because I was starting to blossom into who I was and just being near travelSibling gave me this terrible feeling as if he were a magnet pulling me down with my own guilt or something.

[notrightinthehead]

Do you feel you are in competition with traveling sibling? What has he got that you want? Do you have an opinion how he should live instead? What would you do if you were in his shoes?
Maybe these questions help you find the real cause of your unease.

[treesgrowslowly]

Hi,

Something I learned about recently (from a Dr. Ramani video) is the concept moral injury. It refers to when we witness behaviours that go against our own values and morals. I think that when a family member does things that defy our own beliefs of what is good and moral, it can explain why this bothers us. 

It also of course, goes on display. "So and so did this, did you know? So and so bought that, did you see it?" Before the days of social media, other relatives would spend all day spreading the news of what their wealthy relative had just bought now. None of it impressed me.

I don't think there is anything wrong with limiting how much you hear about your sibling and his travels. If he is using social media to talk about himself, you don't have to read it or take it in. We're not obligated to ooh and ahh over these people who brag about their travels to others. Are they even enjoying their life or just going around consuming one thing after another? I wonder if that is also what bothers you, is that he doesn't appreciate what he has.

Trees

[SaltwareS]

I did have to extricate myself from Facebook because people post travel photos. But some people don't bother me because they describe specifics, like their kids were "so bored!" at the Versailles palace, which is a hilarious reminder of how scary boredom can be when you're a child.

And I realize now when I see travelSibling face-to-face, it bothers me less because he describes the people in the various cities in a way that makes his travel more relatable.