Older kid is in college, younger kid is 16. Better to stay until both are out?

[IsleOfSong]

I do not have experience with divorce, but I do have experience with being a child treated the way your wife treats your son. Just flip the sexes in my case, it was my father who did the constant shaming and berating me over the smallest of things, and I felt hypervigilant to avoid the abuse and when it inevitably happened anyway, I had to fight back just for any semblance of self-esteem. I begged my mother to divorce him.

I think if my son outright begged (or even suggested) that I leave his mother, I'd feel a lot less conflicted about taking the plunge.

[Lookin 2 B Free]

"The thought of leaving your child alone with an abusive parent is enough to keep so many of us right where we are."

This is exactly what kept me in as long as I was.  I finally prayed fervently to have that fear removed enough for me to act if divorce was the right thing, and it was removed.  My kids were younger than yours and one was quite upset about it.  It wasn't too long before he realized it had actually made things better.  I have not one regret.

My parents divorced when I was young.  Both had major emotional problems and at least one had a PD.  I am glad I didn't spend my whole childhood subjected to both of them. Very glad.

That's just my experience - answering your original question.

[IsleOfSong]

Thank you for sharing, Lookin. The fact that your son realized that your divorce "actually made things better" is encouraging to hear.