Being a Better Friend

[Kittenkatboots]

Today, I told a longtime friend that I didn't want to speak about my family anymore. I mentioned in light detail the things my mom said to me. I'm practicing not spilling out all of the horrible things that have happened to me, nor the things she's (my BPD mother, and NPD sister) told me because they're simply not true.

Anyways, my friend looked me in the eye and said absolutely, she understands.

This made me feel so relieved and made me realize that I have to speak up.

I used to remove myself from situations or shut down because I was so accustomed to feeling as though I didn't matter.

My friend who claims to love be and really value our friendship, I hadn't pushed back on her much to see the validity of those words.

Had I not decided to take space and allowed her to respond to my request, I wouldn't have seen that people do care about my well-being outside of my family of origin.

That I'm not a burden.

I'm not being a good friend if I'm holding covert contracts, not speaking up and making my needs known. And I want to be a better friend.

When I take up more space and let people know my needs, I can see how they respond to them. I can see if their words align with what they say. How about that for the Power of Vulernability     

[NarcKiddo]

Well done! Those of use with PD experience are very prone to have difficulties with friendships. I know that I do not tell anyone anything if I can help it. Partly due to being forbidden as a child. But as an adult my excuse to myself has generally been that I should not burden others with my baggage. Well, that is right to a point, but not burdening them by over-sharing is not the same as never telling them anything at all.

Good for you.