Catching PD behavior on video...

[rockandhardplace]

One of the books I'm reading or listening to (I can't remember which!) described how "discussions" go with someone with NPD. The thing that really struck me was not just how they deflect away from what you want to discuss to avoid taking any accountability for their own behaviors, or the accusations etc... but how they move on to a new topic / accusation  / interrogation before allowing you to respond to what they've already said. I watched a video I have of the NPD in my life and was actually shocked to see this in action. I assume this had happened in most of the conversations we had over the years that left me feeling confused and abused even before he started calling me names. He basically just rages on with weird complaints and throws out all these weird accusations in the form of questions but I never get to respond  to any of them because he keeps talking over me and layering new accusations on top. It's enlightening but also still so maddening to watch in action. Without having a video recording of the whole thing I'd come away just feeling confused. For so many years I really believed we just had communication issues.

I only have a few of these videos as I just started taking when he was yelling an inch from my face. He controls much of the overtly abusive behaviors but this way of speaking to me is just so normal to him he doesn't feel any need to change that for the camera. They're horrible to watch back but all of them have the same structure. He rants about some nonsense then talks over me when in a normal conversation it would be my turn to speak and then adds a new accusation phrased as a question that I never get to answer and then another. By the time I get to speak I've forgotten most of the accusations and try to respond to the most recent or the one that I'm really upset about. That's when he walks away with "boring" or some other nasty way of dismissing me.

This is helpful in solidifying in my mind that there is absolutely no point ever ever trying to have any type of conversation with him, ever. But it maddens me to think of all the years I was subjected to that without realising what was happening. I wish there was some way of educating the world about PD's so other people don't waste so much of their lives.

[bloomie]

rockandhardplace - videos and recordings can be very helpful in offering insights and identifying verbally abusive - and I would hazard to suggest from what you describe happening - at the least physically dominating and intimidating behaviors followed by belittling. All quite toxic and I am so sorry you have been subjected to this. 

[escapingman]

Recordings are extremely valuable if you question yourself. I hade hundreds of voice recordings of my uNPDxw and every time I questioned myself I either listened to one of them or read a couple of paragraphs in my journal. Without this I am not sure I would have kept the belief and carried on.