My mom hasn't said this ... yet

[Poison Ivy]

I'm sharing this because I think folks here will get it.

My mom might have a personality disorder. It's hard to tell, especially because she is quite old (95) and dealing with a lot of infirmities (mobility loss, memory problems, vision problems, hearing loss, etc.). My sister has lived with her nearly full time since the start of pandemic restrictions in the U.S. Despite or because my sister does almost everything for our mom, our mom often complains. Examples: Upon waking, briefly, from sleeping (she sleeps about 20 hours per day) and seeing that my sister was eating something: "Where's MY lunch?" While my sister was getting ready to go to a play, a rare and special time away from the house for her: "Did we get asked to go to the play?"

My sister's dog just had surgery, and the dog is very uncomfortable right now and needs to be prevented from licking the incision area. My sister bought an item of clothing for the dog, designed to be a coverup and substitute for the dog having to wear a cone. Yesterday, my sister told me and my brothers that she couldn't get the clothing onto the dog without bending the leg with the incision, so she decided to tear the "sleeve" (leg) of the clothing, put the clothing on the dog, and then sew up the torn part.

This was the point at which I asked my sister ("JK" but I wasn't kidding) whether our mom had complained that sister has never done a tear and resew for mom.

[Tribe16]

We should start a thread of "bizarre things our PD parents say". I'll bet it would be a hoot.

When I worked for an adult daycare, a social worker told me once that "Anyone who mentally or emotionally drains you when you are around them for more than 15 minutes has a 99% chance of having a personality disorder." That's my yardstick! I feel it in the first 90 seconds with my mom!

[Returned]

My goodness *yes* Tribe16! Thank you for this insight!

We should start a thread of "bizarre things our PD parents say". I'll bet it would be a hoot.

When I worked for an adult daycare, a social worker told me once that "Anyone who mentally or emotionally drains you when you are around them for more than 15 minutes has a 99% chance of having a personality disorder." That's my yardstick! I feel it in the first 90 seconds with my mom!

[Returned]

I'm sorry your mom is so difficult! Mine too will compete with everything I do or say, and if I tell her nice news like what a family member has done or achieved, she'll mournfully say how she wishes she could do that. Has to make it about herself. In the next breath she'll complain that a friend moans all the time, and tell me she's told them she's just grateful to be alive and they should count their blessings. I've noticed her friends are not calling as much lately. She even complained one talked too long on the phone just last week. She just never seems happy and the 'count your blessings' I think is all for show.

I hope your sister's dog recovers well. Your 'just kidding' made me laugh:)

[Poison Ivy]

Thank you, Returned. I put "JK" into my message because my brothers are part of the group to which I sent the message, and they don't hear some of the (often mean) things that mom says.

[moglow]

@Poison Ivy, mine is also an all about me mother. Any mention of somewhere someone went or ate or bought and "where's mine" "you didn't invite me" "you never did that for me..." You know the drill. In the back of my mind there's always the But ... neither did you, md.

@Tribe16 those energy/emotional vampires are hell on a person, aren't they? My older brother went to md's house a few months ago [hadn't been there in prob 15 years], said she still sucks all the air out of a room within minutes.

A personal "favorite" comment of hers relayed to me from a cousin - in random conversation she mentioned to md that her/cousin house is a mess, she needs to refocus and get something done. Md commented she's not getting around well and has had to let things go at her house. She told cousin, "If mo was any kind of daughter she'd come take care of this!" Well now, considering how she battered me growing up in her house, how nothing was ever enough or done right and the ugly confrontations that resulted ... no. I'm not going to clean her house, now or at any time in the foreseeable future. Cousin was funny, said she suggested md call a housekeeper so they'll do it the way she wants, she could have them come in regularly to keep things nicer. But no. They might steal something and md doesn't have time to follow them around to make sure they do it "right."

[Returned]

I'm so sorry Poison Ivy I misread and thought Tribe16 was the original poster!

[CinnamonBark]

I agree with Tribe's statement- that is a great litmus test for them. I experience the same thing with my parent, its wild how horrible things get so quickly when he's around.

and in response to Moglow, mine enjoyed having a housekeeper for a while- kept him distracted and he would tone down the nonsense while she was there to 'keep up appearences'. Might be worth looking into- on her dime of course, not from your pocket.

[wisingup]

When I worked for an adult daycare, a social worker told me once that "Anyone who mentally or emotionally drains you when you are around them for more than 15 minutes has a 99% chance of having a personality disorder." That's my yardstick! I feel it in the first 90 seconds with my mom!

Wow, this is spot on!

And yes, my mom has to have anything that anyone else has, which is why she's now in much worse financial shape than she should be.  We recently moved her into assisted living & she immediately needed a new wardrobe to match what she saw the other ladies wearing, and a walker since everyone seems to have one (she wanted a red one)

[Cat of the Canals]

That 15 minutes thing is totally true.

We should start a thread of "bizarre things our PD parents say". I'll bet it would be a hoot.

There have been a few in the Common Behaviors board under the title "Batsh#t Crazy" but it's been a while since there was a new one.

[Boat Babe]

We should start a thread of "bizarre things our PD parents say". I'll bet it would be a hoot.

When I worked for an adult daycare, a social worker told me once that "Anyone who mentally or emotionally drains you when you are around them for more than 15 minutes has a 99% chance of having a personality disorder." That's my yardstick! I feel it in the first 90 seconds with my mom!

Does.not.take.long.

[nanotech]

The 15 minutes thing! Yes! Absolutely! So true of my dad and some other people from the family or from work. I will use this as an assessment tool when I'm meeting new people.