I think I understand the concept of "supply" now

[discarded]

And feel free to correct me if I am wrong.

Supply is the narc's insatiable quest for attention and stimulation from someone who gives off emotional supply, either in the form of adulation, or allowing the narc to gain sadistic pleasure from someone else's pain.

Everyone craves human interaction in healthy doses; but where it goes wrong with the narcissist is that emotional supply is needed like a drug and they tend to step on everyone else's emotional boundaries to get that supply. They may target people they deem weak; often their children are their biggest source of supply.

The manipulation into being someone's supply can be subtle, and sometimes involves physical abuse to keep the victim in line.
It can start out as audulating the victim, but then slowly, bit by bit, the narcissist lets emotional abuse creep in. Subtle put downs. Raging when you are feeling vulnerable. It's like they couldn't keep up the charade of decency and so they start letting their derision creep in.

Sometimes people just end up in relationships and you can end up hating each other in the end for reasons beyond your control. With a narcissist they become persistent, and they won't want to break up with you, because you're feeding something in them that is sick. It's done by 1000 papercuts, with occasional bursts of violence. At least in my experience.

When you're in the narcissist's world they think they can bend reality. That they're omnipotent, and they see people as at their use and disposal. This is why you feel used, and invalidated when you are around them.

It looks like genuine charisma and confidence but that's the front they like to give. This is why appearances are often so important to the narcissist. Fail to live up to their standards then expect to be scapegoated.

When a narcissist latches onto you it may feel like bitter jealousy. You have something they can't get at. So they try to get to you.

They may say things to trigger you, usually that are half-truths or outright lies. It could be that when they hear you talk about an emotional experience and they see the conviction you have in yourself, they feel threatened by it.

They will tend to bring up upsetting topics because they know the emotional relevance the experience has for you. Your reaction gives them fuel but once they tire of that, they need something else. If you don't offer the emotional expression they are seeking, they may feel rage.

The discard phase may seem like it was planned with impeccable timing. Either you are onto them and they act like raging assholes making you decide to leave.

Or they will discard you in a seething rage without seeming to want to let you go. By that point you're onto them, and they have to destroy you over it.

I have been told things like, "You pathetic crazy woman; you are toxic. You are in a psychotic episode, how dare you harass me!" When you really didn't harass them. You simply caught them in a bold faced lie they couldn't hide from. And yes they continued trying to contact me after accusing me of harassment.

They may strike and harm you. They may try to forcefully commit you. They will attack your mental health. And they will drive you crazy, or at least try to. This is a terrible place to be because often narcissists will choose people who have less access to resources. The narcissist may call their victims abusers. Your abuse will be a vague comment that had a harsh tone once. Your treatment will involve them screaming at you when you panic, or need reassurance. Or actually hitting you, or getting someone else to attack you for them. Again, the invalidation you feel is very real.

I know this is personal, and more just creative writing but that's kind of what the narcissistic cycle looks like and is how they seek supply.

[NarcKiddo]

Yes, I recognise much of that.

Of course the specifics depend on the personality of the narc, and the victim, and the relationship between them.

My narcs are my parents. They are very different types of narc and I only realised after starting therapy that my father is not the enabler I thought he was, but is a narc too.

You are totally correct about the importance of appearance. It is all smoke and mirrors. They have nothing inside themselves that they are truly happy with and do not want to face that, so they have to build up the illusion of greatness and strength. Challenge that at your peril.

[Catothecat]

You're not wrong about this, discarded!  Their agenda is to enmesh you with them using whatever tactic works, then keep you there for as long as you are useful to them.

However, when it comes to the discard phase, I've experienced different approaches.  I've experienced anger/blaming but I've also experienced sudden withdrawal--the PD is in my life one day and the next they're basically gone.  These types string you along because they know if they behave too badly you might end things before they're ready for you to go, then when they meet someone else they dump you as soon as they believe they've gotten something "better." 

[downwiththefog]

Good post @discarded, thank you

[countrygirl]

Yes, you've summed it all up, Discarded.  Helpful to see it laid out this way.   

I had the same experience as NarcKiddo:  I thought my father was an enabler, but it turns out he was also a Narcissist. 

Being the child of Narcissists is not fun.  They are able to charm others.  I have had so many people who knew my parents--or who I should say thought they knew them, when all they really knew was what the Ns wanted them to see--express doubt when I've tried to tell them the truth. 

Everyone gets it when a parent uses a helpless child for physical gratification, but they can't get it--or refuse to get it--when the parent uses the child for psychological gratification. 

[discarded]

Yes, you've summed it all up, Discarded.  Helpful to see it laid out this way.   

I had the same experience as NarcKiddo:  I thought my father was an enabler, but it turns out he was also a Narcissist. 

Being the child of Narcissists is not fun.  They are able to charm others.  I have had so many people who knew my parents--or who I should say thought they knew them, when all they really knew was what the Ns wanted them to see--express doubt when I've tried to tell them the truth. 

Everyone gets it when a parent uses a helpless child for physical gratification, but they can't get it--or refuse to get it--when the parent uses the child for psychological gratification. 

My breaking point with my family was how they continued to take every opportunity to manipulate the official story to suit themselves.

I just didn't need the put downs, walking on eggshells and abuse any more.

[Lalitha]

Yes, you've summed it all up, Discarded.  Helpful to see it laid out this way.   

I had the same experience as NarcKiddo:  I thought my father was an enabler, but it turns out he was also a Narcissist. 

Being the child of Narcissists is not fun.  They are able to charm others.  I have had so many people who knew my parents--or who I should say thought they knew them, when all they really knew was what the Ns wanted them to see--express doubt when I've tried to tell them the truth. 

Everyone gets it when a parent uses a helpless child for physical gratification, but they can't get it--or refuse to get it--when the parent uses the child for psychological gratification. 

This is so true. Both my parents are N and my siblings went that way too, as a coping mechanism I guess but they're too far N now to break the cycle. That made me the scapegoat and a people pleaser by nature (a habit I'm slowly breaking). Unfortunately the charm they can all possess in front of others added to my belief that I was the problem. Interestingly now I'm NC a few people have let on that they always found my FOO a bit odd or disliked/mistrusted them so it seems that some more emotionally intelligent people can maybe see through the narcs mask.

[djcleo]

Discarded...

You ought to be writing the self help books. Your entry here about supply is spot on.