Looking for support

[blooming cactus]

Hello, I was on here before many years ago (not sure if I ever posted much), during a time when I was working through going NC with my BPD mother. I have recently become aware through therapy and life events that my MIL is pretty severely NPD. So now I am beginning to process a new narrative of accepting that I was emotionally abused by her during years when I leaned on her and believed her to be a safe person for me (in lieu of my own mother). It's painful and at the same time, a relief to name what I have known. I have been NC with MIL for a few years now ever since an enormous rage fest after my husband and I set very firm boundaries... but I just didn't realize at the time what I was dealing with, it now makes sense. I am hoping to make connections and work on my healing here as there are so many layers to my trauma I didn't realize...

[Starboard Song]

Oh boy, do I get that.

We faced years of escalating but low-grade hostility from my MIL, always walking on eggshells, until we had a crisis. We spent 6 months attempting communications and boundaries before declaring NC. And still we didn't really understand what we were dealing with. Probably BPD. We are now 8-years NC, and my wife will tell you she never looked back.

We made a brutally hard decision, but it was the right one.

Welcome back to the forum and I look forward to seeing you on the boards. A special note is due: the in-laws board exists because there can be special challenges and considerations when dealing with an in-law. If you and your spouse are lock-tight, like me and mine, those special issues may not apply. The point is, you should feel free to participate on the PD Parents or the PD In-Laws boards, depending on which one you are feeling at home with. Zero pressure. There are no grades.

Welcome, and good luck.

[blooming cactus]

Thanks for the warm welcome and for sharing your experiences. I'm sorry you have them too. I will explore both boards. He and I are not quite lock-tight but are getting there (re: his folks). It is a lot. I appreciate this space.

[bloomie]

Hi blooming cactus! Welcome back. The realization that your mil is not a safe haven for you and has caused so much emotional pain is a difficult one. Especially after having gone NC with your own mother. I am so sorry that neither woman could offer the loving and reliable relationship you so deserve.

I spend most of my time over on the in laws board and look forward to seeing you there and supporting you! I know first hand how painful difficult in law relationships can be and how tricky they are to navigate.

So glad you reached out again for support!