PD long prayers, sermonizing, and depression

[Mary]

My uPDh has been engaging in long family prayers at night before bed, sometimes up to 30 minutes long. The kids and I pray along for a while, and then quietly play with the pets, read, use the restroom, etc. Sometimes this is followed with Bible reading and then him giving a lecture/sermon that can also last a good 30 minutes. Often the lecture is a sideways jab at something he feels the kids or I have done/said wrong. I think depression is playing a part in this as he will spend long hours in bed of a Saturday sleeping and making up religious facebook posts. Does anyone have suggestions regarding these behaviors?

[SonofThunder]

Hi Mary,

Having been raised by a uNPDf and interacted with him for four decades afterward,  I can say through experience that my uNPDf will only stay active toward a project if he has an audience.  No audience, that project never gets off the ground.  Audience departs, the project ends. 

So my advice is to stop providing the PD an audience. Just as is it for the non, the PD's actual fruit is the proof it is indeed a fruit tree. Religion is a great way for a non fruit-bearing tree to pretend with it's simulated fruit. Those outsiders in circles 3-5 many times cannot tell the fruit is not real. Circles 1 and 2 certainly know.

SoT

[Mary]

The fruit is bitter. Thank you for that insight.
Mary

[notrightinthehead]

Audience departs, project ends.

Gosh! What an excellent observation! I will put that on my list of red flags.

Wishing you lots of patience and strength Mary.

[Mary]

I have started keeping a book close by just in case, and that seems to be helping. Me getting up as he waxes long is a cue to him that it's time to wrap it up!

[SeaBreeze]

I'm sorry your H is is abusing his role as spiritual leader and mis-using what should be positive family togetherness to control your time and make passive-aggressive comments toward you and your children. I agree with others to physically remove yourself and the kids from the room and go about normal bedtime routines, if able. However if that is too problematic or dangerous, then   I'd suggest praying or meditating on your own topic of focus while he's grandstanding. (Though I think I would quietly be asking God to "give me patience" for sure!)

My uNPD mother mis-used prayer and scripture in a similar fashion toward my brother and me. Unfortunately my "heathen sinner" of a father was not always there to intervene during these actual sessions, but he did offer a voice of reason and support when and where able. Can you do your own Bible study and prayer time with the kids to show them a more positive use of this practice? Not to undermine your H, of course, but at least counter-balance?

[Mary]

Yes, when he's gone, I try to do a short devotion with them that we discuss just a little. They also know that I have my own private times of prayer and Bible reading, and I encourage them to do that as well. Tonight, my daughter and I continued our game of Wii Monopoly with the sound turned down as he went on and on.

[thedoghousedweller]

Mary, sorry you are dealing with this. 

I can always "defer" a discussion because there's always something I HAVE to get done.

Another approach I've used is to ask a question that makes no sense to what was said previously and apologized for being in another world, proccupied with something so much that I cannot focus on the speaker's message.   

DHD