Coming to terms with the reality of my relationship

[turnonthelight333]

Hi all. I'm new here and not sure where to start.

I don't want to give too many details because I'm unsure whether my ex-bf uses this site or would retaliate. He and I met online and were in a relationship that was almost exclusively online other than a couple visits due to the physical distance. He broke up with me last week, and shortly after I found out that he had been dating a (local to him) friend of his for most of our relationship. She also did not know about me or our relationship. He had told me about suffering abuse from a parent, a genetic disorder he had, and how some of his relatives had disorders related to pathological lying. I'm now realizing this was probably a projection.

Today I had a lightbulb moment when I realized I have been in a relationship with someone who has been lying to me from the start. So many things, in retrospect, are making sense as things he lied about or manufactured to manipulate me. All of the things we had in common which felt uncanny and fateful were made to mirror me. My self-esteem and trust feel shattered, I can hardly eat or sleep.

I'm seeking therapy and I have a good support system in place. I never experienced physical or emotional abuse but psychologically I feel torn apart. I'm mourning what I believed to be my soulmate as I'm realizing it was all a lie, and I feel ashamed and embarrassed about trusting him and not seeing through the lies. He is intellectually very brilliant and has crafted so many lies to make me believe or feel certain things. I'm just looking for some support or to know that others have been in my shoes.