writing off concerns and injustices by reminding us of the parent who stayed

[RainbowGirl]

This is something that I noticed about my mother.

I have a sibling who is estranged from her and the family.  When she was acting act a few years ago and lashing out and making all her drama and it was real drama, there maybe something in all the drama but so much of it all came out wrong from her.  She was raising injustices from our mother.

My mother wrote her off time and time again by referring to her broken marriage from the 90s and reminding her of the parent who remained and there was my mother trying to again attention for all that she did do however there was some injustices from her too but she never acknowledged that.

There was more drama over another sibling last year and my mother behaved in the same way.
Basically he wanted to come home and bring his family but my mother refused to have his family under her roof and she refused to communicate her apprehension over her sons plans and when it all blew up into their faces. My mother was bad at the time. She was banning his partner/wife from her home.  Basically my mother wanted only her son home and not his family.  Basically she wanted him as the man who left all them years ago and not as the family man he is today.

My mother was bad but she managed to write off her baddness by saying similar things:

'maybe he should be reminded about who stayed to look after him, etc'.

It's impossible to get anything sorted or fixed with her because she won't ever acknowledge any wrong and she writes us off with that trash of being the parent who stayed.





Has anyone else experienced that? 

[sunshine702]

Fuel.  I often think about that with my Narc mom.  What is the one this that is the base of her identity.?  For my mom it is the Golden Child.  Which was the Golden Child's child H but since has been transferred back to him.  None of the other grandkids matter.  I don't matter.  Similar my other Brother and his Longtime girlfriend don't matter and she is also not "allowed in the house" Utterly ridiculous. 

It sounds like her staying in a  difficult relationship is the core of who she is. Fuel.

Yes the ridiculousness of it all.  People have new lives.  I tend to think of my mom (yes I know very rude) as having a bird brain.  Hyper focused on one thing pecking away at it and nothing else exists in her head.