Npd father trys to activate my ego defense on my BF TW: abuse, poster has BPD

[Moon0314]

EGO DEFENSE = splitting
 I removed it from the title in case it could be a triggering word for BPD abuse victims.

I'm an 18 year old with borderline personality disorder inherited from my family. I'm doing partial hospitalization which has significantly improved me and my boyfriends relationship. Unfortunately I live with a narcissistic father. my father hates my BF and is jealous of him. While I'm in emotionally compromised states he berates me. He tells me my boyfriend is using me, he doesn't love me, that I'm a "stupid pathetic bitch" and I should stand up for myself. He constantly tells me things like he saw my boyfriend stealing things from my room. He insults me doing coping exercises and tells me that my splitting episodes and delusions are normal. he tells me my boyfriend is a narcissist and trying to munipulate me even says that my boyfriend is actually the one with bpd etc. It's gotten so bad my psychotic symptoms are coming back.
I don't know how someone can be this evil. Why are Narcissists so good at controlling borderlines and messing with our heads he did this with my mother who also shows signs of BPD.   

[Leonor]

Hello, Moon,

I'm sorry to hear about how your symptoms are being triggered by your father's behavior, especially around your relationship with your boyfriend.

Have you shared this with your psych team at the hospital or in outpatient visits? It sounds like you could use some extra support right now from people who know you and dedicated to your care.

I'm glad to hear that you are noticing your relationships improve while you are participating in your current program. BPD when it really kicks in can tell us that therapy is useless, or makes things worse, or embarrassing, or whatever ... But that usually means that we're facing some tough truths that can lead to real healing.

And I'll say this to you as an old lady: even if your parents were the most stable, loving and healthy people in the world, and you lived completely free of distress, and your boyfriend was your dad's ideal, Dad would still be a pain about his dating you, because that's how dads are about their daughters dating. I'm not saying his behavior is justified or normal, just that this is a life stage in every young woman's life that activates a lot of anxiety in dear old dads. If daughter is in pain and dad isn't healthy, it's excruciating.

Through it all, keep close to your heart that you are not in treatment to make your relationship with your boyfriend better. You're not in treatment to be able to withstand your parents' behavior. You're in treatment to help you help yourself, to understand your feelings to relate to the world around you, to use your brain to help navigate your path within the world, to feel solid and safe within yourself no matter where you are, and to step into your womanhood with confidence and love for yourself.

You're right at the threshold of independence. The more you can use your time inpatient to focus on your relationship with yourself, the more your symptoms will diminish and you can soothe yourself.