Almost at the finish line....

[CinnamonBark]

Hi everyone,

just wanted to give a little update to my post I made last month.

A lot has happened:

My aunt and uncle came out to stay in dad's home while tying up loose ends. My aunt got him to sign a POA form and she is the POA, taking that off my shoulders. However they were very nasty to both him and me while he was at home- they are personality disordered in the same way my father is (cold, hateful and nasty). His own sister refused to even make him a smoothie or puree his food like he needed it done despite me buying a brand new blender and leaving it there. Last week before they left they were so angry and hateful towards me on the phone that I had a breakdown and am still recovering but struggling to function (I am disabled and have severe Complex PTSD from all the abuse growing up and continuing into my adulthood)

They basically waited in the apt and let him decline until he fell down and hit his head from lack of food/water. I couldn't handle going over there to make sure they were taking care of him because I would become so anxious and messed up just being around them. I had avoided seeing them for 10 years before my father got sick because they were abusive towards me as a child and pre teen. My dad went back in the hospital and is supposed to be transferred to a nursing home soon, but his health and mental health are so bad that they don't know when that will happen.

Aunt and Uncle superintended the sale of one of the properties and managed to embezzle the funds away from going into the estate because my father had never written down that he wanted the proceeds of the sale to go to the estate- and they ran back across the country as soon as I caught on to what they were doing. I have spoken to a lawyer and there is officially nothing I can do about that so it really hurt. Luckily I will never have to interact with them again, and I have made it clear that if they try to contact me I will have my lawyer send them a cease and desist.

But it's almost over guys, once my father goes into the nursing home we will be able to sell his apartment and I can walk away from this train wreck at last, after 26 years. I am almost at the finish line. If anyone has any advice to get through this little breakdown I'm having at the moment that would be great. I am in therapy with a supportive person, but I am struggling to write and perform which is my new career as a Spoken Word Poet. It feels like after that conversation with them my brain is in a type of shock, its hard to think and I cant remember things that were easy to remember before or focus well. For example, I have raw meat in the fridge but couldn't remember what day I bought it though I know it was sometime in the past 3 days.   

[Cat of the Canals]

I'm glad to hear the nastiness with your aunt and uncle is in the rear view. How unfortunate that you had to deal with them on top of everything else. Ugh.

My best advice for dealing with a breakdown is to be extra kind and gentle to yourself. On top of being in such a triggering situation, I imagine you're also already partially grieving. Take it a day at a time, that's all you can do. I personally find journaling really helpful when I'm struggling. Something about getting the words down on paper seems to stop them from just endlessly swirling around in my head.

[Sneezy]

Thank goodness this is almost finished up and you can walk away for good!

If anyone has any advice to get through this little breakdown I'm having at the moment that would be great.

Here is my advice - keep yourself busy and active, but also pamper yourself.  So take a walk, work up a sweat, clean out a closet, tackle your to-do list, etc.  And then take a long, hot shower and use all the fancy bath products that smell so nice.  Also, if possible, get out of your own head for a bit.  If you can volunteer somewhere or do something nice for someone else, that may help you feel good and forget about your dad for a while.  So many places need volunteers at this time of year.  It can be something simple like walking dogs at a local shelter or distributing food at a food bank. 

Good luck and congrats on making it to the finish line!

[Cat of the Canals]

I wanted to second taking a walk. There is something about being outside that helps put things in perspective for me. My big huge problems suddenly seem a little less overwhelmingly monstrous. My inner world may be in shambles, but seeing that everything outside of that is still normal and familiar is very comforting to me.