Under the Mask

[StuckJo]

Hello You can call me JO. I have been in a relationship with my husband for 22 years. I recently (6 months ago) witnessed the mask slip unveiling a person that I did not know existed. I am struggling with everything. Accepting it, direction/what to do, trauma bonded, empty and worthless feeling. I need help. I need support. I have been isolating and I am lost. Not sure I can/will heal.

[SonofThunder]

Hello JO,

A very warm welcome to Out of the FOG  I read your other post and therefore have a little more information than you wrote above in your own Welcome Mat post.  I like to think we are all hiking the same trails since many of the PD traits we experience are similar regardless of the role the PD holds in our lives. 

We have hikers scattered all over the map.  JO, we keep extra chairs around all the various forum-board campfires, so pull up to the friendly and cozy fires of your choice, rest your weary feet in the warmth, and join in the conversations. 

Since you mentioned the feelings you are experiencing, I'm putting a link below to some emergency resources at the very bottom.  Just below is a link to a wonderful glossary YouTube series by Dr Ramani, which will align with the top traits found on the Personality Disorders tab.

*Remember to watch/read in private as exposing our resources and education to a PD is like giving them a handbook of how to specifically abuse us. 

While you're up at the top of the Out of the FOG page, drive your tent stakes down at the Toolbox tab and begin to soak up all there is to learn. 

See you around the boards,

SoT

Dr. Ramani: Glossary of Narcissistic Relationships
https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PL3QtnfcMTMhEfRXN-Kk2vndn89nBZxKUj

Emergency Resources:
https://outofthefog.website/emergency

[moglow]

Hey Jo, I'm so sorry to see you're struggling. You'll find many souls here in similar places and I'm sure guidance along the way.

I'm curious, was there a traumatic life event that seems to have triggered his behavior - job loss, passing of parent(s) or close family member, any accident, major health issue or hospitalization? Have you seen flashes of what you're now dealing with, only it was always somewhat tucked away? No need to answer if you're not comfortable, I ask only because it seems somewhat sudden and you're blindsided by it all.

For you: NONE of what he's doing/saying is your fault - he's choosing his behavior just as each of us do every day. You're not responsible for his choices, however much he may blame you. You continue to be accountable for and to yourself, and do what you need to protect yourself.

We're here with you.