New Here

[Outoftheashes]

Hello and Happy New Year to whereever you each are on your journey.

I'm wrapping my head around my husband (soon to be ex)'s new diagnosis of BPD (among others). We had 25 years of marriage, where a number of years were of him hiding many behaviours (binge eating, spending, affairs); he underwent treatment for addiction (sex) for years, and we each had therapy and couples therapy. After what looked like a decade of recovery, I discovered a relapse of the addiction; he has now restarted therapy and this is how he received his diagnosis.

I am in deep pain from the cognitive gymnastics he embraced to justify his hurtful, what feels like abusive, actions. Since his recovery, he seemed like a much more engaged spouse and a better father. I didn't realize how he viewed me underneath, and I'm just trying to adjust to all these new realities.

Thanks.

[Outoftheashes]

I found this site back when I first discovered the addiction. I found the toolbox incredibly helpful even then, it's an awesome site. When I heard the diagnosis, I knew I needed to come back here and review.

We are on the path for legal separation. Given the current economic climate and housing crisis, we are still cohabitating for a while. I will wait before following through on divorce.

[Outoftheashes]

Wee question--what is the lower case u in front of the acronyms stand for (ex. uNPD)?

[SonofThunder]

Hello Outoftheashes,

Dropping by with a second warm welcome. From your writing it reads as if you know your way around here already and glad to read that Out of the FOG is helpful to you. 

I second users toolbox suggestion for your continued practice, increasing your skills and developing specific styles with the tools that work for your self protection in your specific relationship with your BPDh. 

Since your husband is professionally diagnosed with BPD, you are correctly writing BPDh regarding your husband.  The lower case 'u', stands for undiagnosed.  Many PD's never will become diagnosed, or only become diagnosed with PD because they are receiving treatment for some other condition, such as your husband.

Below is a link to the acronyms page here on Out of the FOG.  See you around the boards!

SoT

https://outofthefog.website/acronyms