Husband refusing to get support

[Cas]

Hello, I have been with my husband now for nearly 20 years in which he has been ill with various conditions for most of it, including leukaemia (now in remission). He has also suffered from fatigue, insomnia, depression and anxiety. He currently has a problem with his back. Underlying all this which has been made worse by a fear of infection due to low immune system & covid, is his OCD. He rarely leaves the house and will not let anyone come in. He is refusing to get help for any of his conditions as 'no-one can do anything or understands his complex issues'. Also he is believing that God will heal him.
During the last 20 years, I have had to deal with explosive anger, criticism, accused of all problems in our marriage being my fault. This is now a lot less, but I have given up work, church, hobbies etc. due to constant pressure to spend time with him. He has few friends and since we moved 11 years ago, they are now about 80 miles away so he is very reliant on me for company.
The biggest loss, however has been not seeing my siblings (4) who all live at least 100 miles away. He has usually used emotional blackmail, he cannot cope etc. and I have at times cancelled things at the last minute.
We have had better periods when I have got away, but no longer than 3 nights at a time usually 2. I want to go and spend a weekend with one of my sister's in March, but am dreading the pressure and arguments that will be involved.
I would welcome any advice about how to get him to recognise that he needs to get other support or help. He says that he realizes that I cannot do everything, but he will not do anything to get either medical or social support.

[Outoftheashes]

Cas, I'm sorry for what sounds incredibly painful, stressful and isolating to you.

I'm afraid I don't have suggestions for how to get your husband to seek help; what is so indisidious is how it appears we have influence over our spouses, but in reality, we have no control over them and their decisions. What you do have control over is you and your self-care--seeking out support for you, disengaging when your spouse tries to guilt trip you, taking time for yourself.

[Cas]

Thank you for your replies. I do need to hear that sometimes I have to to put myself first. It is easy to get into the mindset that the other person is ill so needs support, but as I have found that can be taken advantage of. I also hate confrontation coming from a supportive family that apart from usual childhood squabbles, just get on.
I have established 1 small boundary, that apart from walking the dog, I go out for about an hour a day. This can be combined with shopping, but I try to have a coffee somewhere and read my book. I also try see either 1 of my 2 local friends for a couple of hours about every 10 days. It is small wins and at the moment not producing too much of a reaction, but I need to start pushing again. As far as we are aware, my husband only has chronic illnesses, but his world has got so small now and he seems to expect me to be happy to fit in with his choices for his life. He will not discuss the future as 'he takes one day at a time'