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[dealzz15]

Hey! Been trying to find a support group for this stuff because I've been feeling so alone and isolated holding everything in. I'm a 21f who is in college and I think that my dad is a self righteous narcissist. I'm still working through so much and still feel the effects of living in that environment.

Growing up my parents had complete control of my life. I didn't have a say in anything. I know that's normal for some things but they were controlling "my interests" and pushed me like a car on empty. For example I played sports all my life because my father was an athlete and held them to the highest regard. I quit my college sport this year and realized that I only did it because I was forced to and the only reason why I thought I liked playing was because it was one of the only times I received validation from my parents. Everything that I did that wasn't perfect was screamed at and harshly criticized for small mistakes and if it wasn't exactly what my parents wanted then that would be considered wrong. Ex writing an email and using a different word than they suggested. My father would "suggest" for me to do something like an extra training session and made it into a no win situation. I either had to endure the thing he was forcing me to do or he would scream at me until I gave in and did what he said. My emotional wellbeing was also never cared for, they acted like emotional wellbeing never existed, never created a safe space and yelled at me for using it as an excuse. Because of this I never learned how to take care of myself and heavily relied on my friends for emotional support. It feels like I'm a machine for them to produce achievements.

There's definitely more but I've blocked out a lot of it and still trying to figure out everything 


I'm doing significantly better than I have been in years past but I'm still really struggling with all of this. the more work that I do the more that I find that I feel like I need to fix.

I have such a big problem with speaking and voicing my opinions after years of being yelled at for thinking something different than my father that I feel like I'm in a natural freeze response when I feel fluster in words and getting to a point where I dont even want to talk anymore. I also can't be assertive with anything and feel the anxiety of being yelled at

I'm also suspecting that I have undiagnosed adhd and maybe autism too but I dont know how to approach that or what to do. I'm adding

Idk what this post is but I'm just feeling so lost and I'm doing my best to fit the pieces but its exashusting and I'm back with him because of college break and I'm losing my mind. Its so frustrating just seeing everything play out and his selfishness and all his negative traits and it just infurates me that I'm stuck in a house with him and my mom and sister don't see the same thing and still try to take care of him. His behavior is unbelievably childish and he cant do anything to take care of himself like not even cook one day I entered the kitchen while my mom was at work and was just sitting there waiting for food its pathetic.

I'm sorry this post is a mess and a tangent but its just everything that I've been feeling and worried about and I just need to let it all out but thank you for bearing with me. If anyone has any tips or advice for anything I mentioned I would love to her it. I'm really happy that I found this chat and will in the future stick to talking to one topic

[Outoftheashes]

Welcome.

Please don't apologize for your post--let this be a safe space for you to practice using your own voice.

I do suggest seeing your doctor about referring you for diagnosing adhd and/or autism. This kind of self-knowledge is important as you continue to grow and help manage. Women tend to be diagnosed far too late in life, and I know many who regret not having a firm diagnosis and treatment earlier.

At 21 you are beginning to gain independence and agency away from your family, and I'm glad you are recognizing the dysfunction and its impact on you so that you can begin to develop and enforce boundaries.

[dealzz15]

Thank you for replying! Yes I have, I got a therapist about a year ago right before spring break, but it was for a different trauma. Then as I started to journal for that trauma, I was able to also journal things about my parents I was never able to say out loud and slowly I began breaking the false beliefs that they pushed onto me without realizing any problems with narcissism and one day I was looking online for advice for solving an emotional problem and realized on reddit that the problems I was describing were identical to many other people in the subreddit and everything was clicking in to place.

The problem I'm having with the therapist is that I haven't really explicitly told her that I think my dad is a narcissist and been working on the process mostly by myself and have been too scared to tell her my suspicions. I don't know why but I just have fear it will bring a bad reaction and reject it or not believe me. I'm getting better at it now explaining my dad's behavior to other people but at that point I couldn't even describe how I just knew because it made so much sense. We're getting closer to working on parent problems though and worked on some symptoms of living with him like how to create boundaries, anxiety and identified that I need to learn to how to be more assertive.

[Outoftheashes]

I think the more you focus on the actual harmful behaviours/interactions, the more you get from your time with your therapist, because you can address the concrete issues. Your therapist won't be able to diagnose your dad from your description, but over time, knowing more about the trauma caused by his behaviours and words, the easier it will be for you to share your suspicions and for them to have insight about it.