Advice?

[DCF1952]

Should I still "no-jade" in situations where I am being wrongfully blamed in front of other people? I've found that he really enjoys having an audience when he's belittling me and it doesn't stop nearly as fast when I remove myself as it would if we were alone.... It's actually the opposite, a few times that I've stood up for myself in the presence of other people, it's stopped him in his tracks. I guess it's possible that it was just the element of surprise that stopped him. Opinions?

[notrightinthehead]

Only you can know what is best in these situations. It probably also depends on the audience. My NPDh  yelled at me once in a crowded shopping centre at christmas time. I tried to reason with him which made him scream even more. I then walked away and he followed me screaming all his frustrations with me. Eventually I was far enough away from him, dived into a shop and called an Uber.
I don't recall that I could stop him from criticizing me in front of others but he usually didn't loose it quite so much and our friends would change subject or say something non committal and thus avoided a total meltdown. Like he had when we were alone.

[Cat of the Canals]

I think there are probably some Medium Chill-type responses that would work well in this situation. Things along the lines of:
"That isn't true."
"Is that really what you think happened?"
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"I wonder why you think that?"

The key is to remain as calm as possible. If anything, I try to sound almost bored when I use MC.

From the JADE guide:

...it is recommended that on any given issue, state your point of view once and once only. Provide any clarifications that are asked for. Anything more than this is likely to be counter productive.

This is not to suggest that you should say nothing at all or back down in an argument. It is critical to take whatever action is necessary so that you, and any children under your care, can live in a safe, happy, healthy and productive environment. It's just not that necessary to talk very much about it.

The point of MC and no-JADE is to avoid getting drawn into the drama/chaos. There are times when saying nothing is best -- usually when the stakes are low. There are other times when I think it absolutely makes sense to state your truth. They key is to keep it as low-drama as possible. If you get worked up and emotional, you're playing right into their game.

[bloomie]

DCF1952 - I am sorry being blamed and disrespected at all, much less in front of people. 

I don't know about you, but I am a deer in the headlights kinda person when something like this happens. My strong instinct is to smooth things over and dispel the discomfort of all involved.

While attempting to redirect the conversation isn't a bad option, I do think there is a time to speak up and correct misstatements or outright false accusations and characterizations - once, firmly, and then to move on.

I have found the following resource to be such a help in finding phrases (like Cat mentions above) and strategies for responding to high conflict people:

https://www.youtube.com/@jeffersonfisher

These are shorts that offer strategies by attorney Jefferson Fisher and they are practical and the purpose is to equip us to be able to be empowered in difficult and awkward interactions.

Let us know how things are going and what is working when you are able.

[sunshine702]

That guy is awesome!  Thank you Bloomie!