First post

[Scarbee]

Hi,
I'm in my early 40s and have been Dx with several mental health issues that stem from my childhood. I grew up with a severely but still functional alcoholic father and a mother who coped with her husband's alcoholism by screaming at her children on a regular basis. I witnessed physical abuse between my parents and emotional and verbal abuse toward myself and my siblings. If I wasn't being screamed at I was being emotionally neglected. I experienced severe bullying at school and did not have one single adult in my life I could turn to about it. I tried with my parents but they rarely took action to help me and I was left to deal with the bullies on my own, which meant I did nothing because I didn't know what to do. I was terrified of getting in trouble (still am!). There's so much shame there. Not one parent, teacher, coach, or adult of any kind stepped in to help. I'd be bullied at school and come home and get screamed at. I know this impacted my cognitive growth among other things and to this day I don't feel as smart as my peers, I always feel like a child in a room full of adults.

I know Adult Child Syndrome isn't an actual Dx but I 100% have it. I'm reactionary, so judgmental of myself, defensive, and an extreme people-pleaser with so much rage inside me. Right now even my thought processes and how I think through things feels very immature compared to people my own age.  I'm working my way through Pete Walkers CPTSD book and I identify with the freeze-fawn trauma response. I'm also working through Kristen Neff's Self-Compassion to see if it helps. Basically, I just want to be an adult. I want to emotionally and cognitively "grow up." My brain is tangled web of trauma and I have no idea where to begin. Thanks for reading.

[Starboard Song]

Welcome to Out of the FOG, and I am so sorry to hear of your tough background. You deserve to heal.

At Out of the FOG,  we focus specifically on those folks who struggle to manage or heal from their interactions with people who have personality disorders. If the special dynamics of PDs are a part of your story, we may be the right place for you.

If you are struggling with an abusive but not specifically PD past, take a look at our sister site, Out of the Storm, which is dedicated to support and healing for those with c-PTSD, healing from abusive histories.

Our toolkitlink provides a lot of great background on personality disorders. And Neff's Self-Compassion is a great resource. Take a look at Brach's Radical Acceptance as well.

Again, welcome. And so much good strength to you.