Hi Everyone

[Sherry1111]

Hi Everyone, Here is my story.

I come from a traumatic background, both my parents committed suicide when I was young. I unfortunately have chosen these types of relationships my entire life, always knowing something lacked in me, it seemed no amount of self help books seemed to help.I say that now as I thought this time, I was healed and had my soul mate best friend in my life finally. This man grew up across the street from me and we were great friends as kids, we didn't talk for over maybe 30 years, life happens. I bumped into someone from the old neighborhood and thought about him, so I reached out. We went on our first date and it was comfortable and fun. I think maybe a week went by and he only left my side to work, within 6 months we bought a house.Looking back now this is when it all changed. I was asked this in October when my life imploded and I had absolutely no idea when it all changed. We were married the following year. Together for 7 years.
     I left on Thanksgiving, it's been 2 months. I feel like I am on a Rollercoaster of good days bad days, I don't feel as acutely traumatized as I did when I realized my 7 years was a smoke show and mirror, I definitely feel as though I'm living a lifetime movie and was married and in love to a con man. Every time I start to feel stronger, he does something to throw me off balance. The irony is he's been blocked from everything since I left, but we have had to sell the house, I filed for divorce, he canceled my car insurance, forged my check from the insurance, now showing up at my job. He turned so many people against me, tried so hard with my own kids and tried to have me committed initially.
    I went to meet with the lawyer yesterday and she wants me to find the evidence of his escorts/prostitutes purchases and show his secret infidelity, I deleted all of this because it ripped my heart out of my chest, now last night I had to go through the phone bills again and it just makes me so shaky and sick, on top of that I'm almost positive he had another phone. I don't even think this crap matters, I just want him to leave me alone and heal. I didn't even figure this out until October when nothing was making sense anymore and I finally had an ahha moment that partially woke me up.
     Anyway, healing from this is so hard, nobody understands, *get over it* * stop talking about it* is what I hear so frequently, I feel so alone, I know I need to focus on doing things I love, but I don't even know what that is anymore. I've become a shell of my former self and was so isolated, I blamed so many things including myself, but never once looked at him. The constant thoughts of what I didn't see are haunting. I go to bed he's in my head, I wake up he's in my head, I can't stand it.
There is not an ounce of me that misses him, our relationship had turned dreadfully boring and he barely spoke to me at the end, I realize now it's because he was so tired from all his extra curricular activities, he would come home from work around 5pm be in bed by 7 and up by 2, leaving the house to meet up with whatever he was doing before work. He would future fake, I can't wait for the weekend with you, and every single Saturday morning as soon as my eyes opened he would start a fight, sleep on the couch all weekend,  ignore me then it started all over again. The gaslighting was brutal, but in the end it was pure crazy making. He was moving my things all around to tell me I was losing my mind.
     The final ending statement from him was "if you didn't act the way you did I wouldn't have done what I did." And of course your crazy like your parents. Classic.
     I'm not trying to be a martyr, I'm a nurse, I worked full time, I paid for everything,  I kept the house clean, cooked meals every night I wasn't at work did all the yard work, we had 13 acres, chickens , pig, dog pool...I took care of it all and his two grown children that moved in over 1 year ago, honestly I think that's how I saw what he was, because he treated them the same. And I said "what are you doing, your deliberately trying to push everyone away who loves you and your going to be alone with nobody." This was the moment, it all came crumbling down, like a house made of rotting sticks.
     Also I am in counseling. It helps to talk about the weeks drama, but I want to heal me, and I don't feel like that is what's happening.
     Sorry so long, it's just the tip of the iceberg. I'm grateful and thankful I found you all, I'm sorry we are all in this mess though.
     

[Starboard Song]

Welcome to Out of the FOG.

Please spend some time in our Toolbox. There are tactics there for re-framing what has happened, managing any future interactions and healing. But way more important may just be the simple message that you are not alone.

Starboard

[bloomie]

Hi and welcome to Out of the FOG. What a painful experience you are in the midst of. I am thankful you are moving toward healing and recovery from the abuse and relational fraud you have been subjected to.

I am so sorry you are suffering, but thankful you have reached out to this wonderful community of fellow travelers. There are great conversations taking place all over the forum boards, but the Separating and Divorcing sub forum is a place you will find others who are grappling with the fall out from a destructive marriage. I think the conversations there could be a good support to you.

There is a beautiful book by Morgan Richard Olivier called: The Tears that Taught Me, that I think could be like a daily balm to your hurting heart. I highly recommend the short, validating readings found there to you.

Take your time and settle in and when you are ready join the conversations and find encouragement. Again, welcome!