New technique for bad behavior

[CourtneyB]

I just recently started working on a new technique to combat my NPD BF bad behavior. I noticed that when I'm explaining the hurtful behavior he engages in and why it's hurtful that he goes into a narcissistic rage.  He gaslight, blame shifts, denies, projects, purposely confuses me, talks in circles, answers questions with questions, mocks me and refuses any accountability. Nothing I could do or say would open his eyes. So I started a new approach. I decided to focus on one bad behavior at a time. I started with his constant mocking of me that he seems completely oblivious to the fact that he's actually doing it.  And I've noticed that I can't remember when he mocked me last. Next it was the contemptuous glares when I ask a question about something that I find to be a reasonable question. He gives me these faces as if I just asked the dumbest question he's ever heard.  When in reality it's usually clarifying questions because he doesn't express himself well lol Anyways he is improving on that as well.  I hope I'm on to something but I feel this could just be another way for me to be disappointed and hurt. All I know is I'm on my last straw of what I can put up with mentally and emotionally before I just can't take anymore.  My cup runneth over.  I just thought that maybe hearing ALL of the bad things you do at once might be too much for a fragile ego to try and digest. Maybe focusing on one behavior at a time will help!

[bloomie]

Hi and welcome! It certainly can be tricky talking through problems and issues with a highly reactive/overreactive partner. Breaking things down into digestible pieces seems to be working for you both right now. 

I hope the trend continues and sure appreciate your sharing how this is going. Keep coming back and letting us know how you are doing!

[IsleOfSong]

Welcome, Courtney. Your focused approach is wise — lodging more than one complaint at a time with someone who has NPD is not going to get you very far. I think you should also not let him off the hook when he reacts with all kinds of word salad, denials, and redirections. Just say, "Please don't change the subject. The subject is you mocking me constantly." And then keep saying that as needed. Be relentless about it.

Granted, if he has NPD he's extremely unlikely to change, but it will help YOU keep things straight in your head, particularly until you've decided you've had enough and ultimately leave — which, if indeed your cup truly runneth over as you mentioned, would be for the best.