Hey All

[AlisonR]

Well I guess I am doing this wrong already using my name... I have no need to hide but I will limit comments on my location.

I am in my 50's married (26 years) with 3 adult children.  I apparently have a very narcissistic 79 yo mother with Parkinson's, macular degeneration and the start of dementia.

I just recently resumed my relationship with her, we didn't talk for 15 or so years. All the while she actively tried to destroy me and my family.

I came to mom's for the holiday, we were late due to road closures so I couldn't help temper mom and she'd chased everyone out by the time I arrived... Christmas Eve.

Mom was in bad shape so my husband and I extended our stay, he finally had to go back to work and I stayed.

My husband works 2 weeks on/2 weeks off.  He canes here when he's off.  Of course my mother hates him but lately has had to rely on him.

There's no real option for care for her, NO ONE will work for her longer than a couple weeks.  She is pretty infamous around here.

She's in a large lodge that she built herself.  I just moved to a cabin on the property for my own space. I'm wanting to bring a car here and that is making her upset, "Why would you need a car? You have my car to drive."

I'm not sure if her control crap is intentional? That's hard for me to accept people actually do that.

I'm losing my soul. I Can feel it. I am trying to find therapy so I don't inundation my husband and children with talk about her.

She is so bad she quizzes me what I talk to my doctor about, asking if I've discussed her... did you tell them I thought "X" and that I read "Y" ... keep in mind X & Y pertain to HER.

So that's me.  I have my cat in my cabin but I spend all of my awake time in the lodge at her beck and call. I gotta figure this out.

[WonderOverWorry]

I'm new here, too. Just wanted to recognize the tough spot you're in - can't just leave her but you also need to look out for yourself. I hope you find a good therapist soon.

[notrightinthehead]

Welcome! You have come to a good place. Please check out the Toolbox for strategies to protect yourself.
There is online therapy available, and there are online support groups from CoDA for example, as you are planning to live with your mom for a while  it seems. You will need support. You also will need a safe space and some normal activities with normal people.
Are you planning on becoming the caregiver to your mom? Did you get legal advice on how to proceed?
You are not alone! Many on here have to put up with difficult parents. See you around on the boards!

[bloomie]

Adding another warm welcome! What a tough living situation and it seems you are away from your DH for at least two months at a time. That is a huge sacrifice to make!

I hope your time here is a good support to you and that you find the resources at the drop down menus above and the book recommends and other online resources to be further help to you.

Keep coming back! We are here for you!

[AlisonR]

Thank you for the responses. For clarification, my husband is here 2 weeks, gone 2 weeks. He doesn't exactly "care" for her, he does stuff to help her; ie driving her to Dr appt (3 1/2 hr each way), cleans for her, etc.

I think I've found a therapist with the online BetterHelp.

My husband will be here this Tuesday so that will be a big help.

I'm trying to internalize J.A.D.E.  I need to establish boundaries... clearly!! and get "my time" scheduled and respected.

Thanks for the welcome.