Resentment

[Lookin 2 B Free]

I have a few uPD's in my family.  Having grown up with it, I learned to be a consummate people pleaser.  It's just in recent years I've moved toward the center, not badass assertive or anything.  Just able to occasionally speak the truth when it's really needed, and gently stand up for myself.  

This has earned me the booby prize in my family, being sidelined, left out.   Not with everyone, but with the uNPDs and their enablers which affects things with my whole family and with one of my most treasured loved ones who can't or won't break with the PD agenda.  

I've never wished harm to anyone, and I know I have to accept that people are who they are.  But, oh, the burning resentment I've felt every time it happens.   It happened again today, but then something new.  The resentment broke and I just felt the loss.  The terrible loss of someone I love and adore and have been close to for decades, but who's been under the uNPD spouse's thumb and shows no signs of escaping.

Grief feels cleaner, and a better platform for healing, than that old resentment.  I hope this is the beginning of something new for me.   I deserve better than to be sitting in a stew of resentment for years on end.

[sunshine702]

That panic of saying No or even No thank you to the rage filled PD.

I think the opposite of that is saying Yes when you want to say no and being resentful then.

It really is a no win.  You are right the only way to really win is refuse to play the game. 

Sigh - trust me I am right there with you.  I would  say anger and resentment are my main feelings these days. I guess the grief work comes next then the Radical Acceptance

[Boat Babe]

Anger is ok, natural and can spur us on to make positive changes in our, and others', lives. Grief is also natural and, hard, hard, hard as it is, must be experienced fully in order to process loss. Resentment on the other hand is poisonous. It serves no purpose and is toxic. I know this because I have often felt resentful at all the shitty things that have happened to me in life. It did not help me in any way, shape or form. It just sat there like a malevolent toad at the core of my being and had zero impact on the people who actually hurt me. Letting go of resentment is a blessing.

[Lookin 2 B Free]

That's a very positive outlook, Sunshine.  That the resentment is the prelude to grief, radical acceptance, healing.  Seeing that will probably help pave the way.  I hope you find peace soon!  Heck, I hope I do! ... hope we all do!

Boat Babe, your point about anger is so important.  I buried most of it for so long.  That's how I stayed while being treated so badly.  I thought I was a deeply tolerant person.  No.  I was deeply in denial.

Anger was the doorway for me to really get it that there was no reason I should be treated as "less than" in my relationships; that I deserve to be treated with the same respect as anyone else.  It allowed me to start treating myself as someone of equal value to others and not accept anything less.  What a gift!