No contact - did I end it fairly saying nothing? Guilt.

[Movement]

Hello, I'm hoping for some advice.

I've been seeing someone for 2+years....

I just went no contact 2 weeks ago. We were in an argument in the car and he hurled vulgarities at me, I told him to get of our my car. He then punched the car hard  three times. I said to "So next time that's going to be me?" He got out of the car. This is a pattern of behaviour where when he rages he throws things and is vulgar. I have only recently accepted its abusive.

Since the incident in the car he was reaching out to me via text, the last two days there have been no texts. I never responded to any texts nor sent any messages since the incident in the car. I just shut down. I guess I was trying to go No Contact.

I now have major guilt about the way I went no contact, I didn't even send a message to say "It's over"

Should I send a final message now?

[Rose1]

Don't go back to co tact. Get out of my car is sufficient imo

[notrightinthehead]

Would you want him back even if he continues behaving abusively? Does he make you happy enough and bring positive to your life in order to accept the abuse?
What does the abuse do to you? Are you scared? Do you change your behavior around him? Do you think twice before saying anything in order not to trigger an episode?
As the abuse tends to get worse, where will you draw the line? Holes in the wall? Broken limbs?

You don't need to say "It's over " when you show him it's over. He seems to have figured it out.

[Boat Babe]

You haven't dumped him. He has ended the relationship by aggressive and abusive behaviour. You are just keeping your distance now, in order to recover from the shock and other bad behaviour, and to give yourself the necessary space to process this. Once you are feeling a bit stronger, you will probably benefit from looking into your response to the abuse, insomuch as you didn't identify it as abuse immediately (you wouldn't be the first). That is where most of us find ourselves after an abusive relationship, looking inwards to find previous damage done to us, usually from our parents, and to begin to heal the damage. This is, in my experience, vital and life changing work that you will never regret doing, even if it is hard at first. Therapy saved and improved my life. Also, DO NOT GO BACK. Really don't,

[xredshoesx]

no response is a response if that makes any sense.  if you get nothing further from him consider it a blessing.  if he does try to draw you in again stay the course and keep ignoring/ blocking.  i wish i would have done what you did when the abuse with my ex escalated to DV.......

[losingmyself]

I left and went NC with my abusive xh. Never said a word to him in person, just left a note on the coffee table with the divorce papers and said we have nothing to talk about, so don't try to contact me or anyone I know.
12 years of marriage,  over just like that.
Yes, I do feel guilty sometimes,  but what was going to be accomplished by talking? Nothing, that's what. Lying, crying, gaslighting, begging, promises that were never going to happen.
Know that you're a better human being because you actually feel guilt, put him in your past, and pat yourself on the back for being strong enough to cut ties. It's ok, and it would have only gotten worse. 
Good for you!

[moglow]

We were in an argument in the car and he hurled vulgarities at me, I told him to get of our my car. He then punched the car hard  three times. I said to "So next time that's going to be me?" He got out of the car. This is a pattern of behaviour where when he rages he throws things and is vulgar. 

Okay. Tell me what's "fair" about his treatment of you. I'm not promoting tit for tat getting even maneuvers, don't get me wrong, and neither do I see you being in any way unfair here.

If you feel so compelled, send him a message that it's over. Know that will open a door to questions and possibly attempts at justification from him. I suspect you've been there before and it got you nowhere.

Maybe consider what exactly you feel guilty about, and apologize to yourself for whatever that may be. Strive to do and be better for yourself in future, and hold your head high, knowing you've done your best.

[Rebel13]

A long time ago I read in a book a statement like "Just because you feel guilty doesn't mean you made a mistake."*

There are so many messages out there telling us how we need to be nice and kind and never hurt anyone's feelings and always apologize and blah blah blah.  These behaviors might be helpful when we are dealing with kind, conscientious people who care about us and about doing the right thing.

But they put us at risk when we are dealing with people who don't have our best interests in mind.

Here's another quote:  "Being humanitarian, being kind and loving, does not include entrusting my life or well-being to someone whose intention or unconscious direction is to cause me harm."

It's OK for us to put ourselves first sometimes and keep ourselves safe.

*I think it might have been Charlotte Davis Kasl's "Love, Sex and Addiction".  Great book BTW.